A Field Guide to High School Relationships: Part II

Yesterday, we brought you the first installment of our essential High School Relationships guide. Today we've got part two, in which things get even weirder.

Never mind the epidemic of Nauseators sweeping the nation! Watch out for...

The Imaginary Girlfriend
The I.G. is a mysterious, never-seen, probably made up significant other of a highly undesirable boy who nevertheless claims to be romantically involved. The Imaginary Girlfriend is often described as “someone I met at camp.” If pressed for details, the boy will generally add that she is “a model” and “lives in Montana.” Occasionally, and embarrassingly for all involved, the Imaginary Girlfriend will turn out to be real when she shows up at prom.

The Romance of Rumor
If the couple's names are preceded always by the words “I heard,” you've got a Romance of Rumor on your hands. Invented by a third party with a hidden agenda, the Romance of Rumor is not a real relationship; it's a completely fabricated construct that's meant to titillate the school's gossip-mongering crowd, or, occasionally, to ruin the reputation of an enemy or ex. (Which, for the record, is not very nice.)

The Open Secret
A cousin of the Romance of Rumor, the Open Secret is a relationship between two people who are known to be dating, yet act like complete strangers when they pass each other in the hallways. This baffling interaction is the subject of schoolwide speculation, but only the couple knows what's really going on—and they're not talking. An Open Secret is generally confirmed by classmates who have run into its participants on the weekends, when they can be found holding hands and generally behaving in a couple-like manner.

The Off-Agains
Thriving on drama and known for their knock-down, drag-out fights in the cafeteria, the Off-Agains are the couple that exists just to break up. And then make up. And then break up again. Ask them about their relationship at your own risk; with even their closest friends unable to keep track of whether or not they're together this week, an offhand question like, “So, how's Pete?” can result in a screaming tirade that lasts all the way until 8th period.

Mr. and Mrs. Horny Overshare
This couple is having sex. And they really, reeaally want to tell you about it. Acting under the delusion that everyone wants to hear about their pantsless weekend activities, Mr. Overshare can often be found regaling a group of gaping freshmen boys with way-too-graphic bedroom stories, while Mrs. Overshare makes it her personal mission to dole out unwanted sex advice to anyone who will listen. While hearing the intimate details of anyone's relationship is always kinda icky, it doesn't help that Mr. and Mrs. Horny Overshare are usually the last people in the world you'd want to see naked.

Got a species to add to our field guide? Tell us in the comments, and you might see your suggestion in the next installment!