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A Field Guide to High School Relationships: Part I

A Field Guide to High School Relationships: Part I

When it comes to high school dating, you might have noticed that romantic relationships can be really... diverse. Some couplings are nauseatingly clingy, some are bafflingly convoluted, and some—at least as far as we can tell – are total fabrications that exist only in the minds of the people who continue to perpetuate them (“No, for real, you guys—Brendan Jellypants is dating one of the extras from High School Musical 3! Kelly's mom told Julie's brother that her dentist's cousin's dog saw them together at Dairy Queen!”).

Needless to say, trying to understand the anthropology of high school relationships can be a daunting task. Which is why your SparkNotes editors have done you the favor of cataloging them in a two-part post for your reading pleasure! Read on to see whether any of these couple-types ring a bell:

The Nauseators
An ultra-devoted couple whose lives revolve around their relationship, The Nauseators spend time only with each other and speak mostly in baby talk. (Seriously, if you hear her call him “wuv-bunny-cupcake-butt” one more time, you're going to vomit.) These two can generally be found making out in the corner or walking the halls fused together at the hip...until one of them needs to pee, at which point the remaining Nauseator will hang around outside the boys'/girls' room and weep uncontrollably.

Beauty and the Beast
One half of this couple is beautiful, vivacious, intelligent and fun. The other is...Sasquatch. This baffling relationship is dubious in origin—are they dating on a dare? Drawn to each other by a shared aversion to eggplant? The victims of a terrifying attraction that not even they themselves can fully understand? Regardless, Beauty and the Beast are often a short-lived couple due to each half's respective social groups being totally unwilling to hang out with each other. Unless Sasquatch is independently wealthy, in which case all bets are off.

Geeks in Love
One of the high school's closest approximations to an actual adult relationship, the Geeks in Love often start out as friends and then bond romantically over their mutual geekery. Found together at comic book conventions, Renaissance fairs, or midnight showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the Geeks in Love will often meet during freshman or sophomore year and stay together for the duration of high school. Unfortunately, they are also frequent targets for the wrath of the Horny Jock, who can't stand the fact that a skinny, unathletic, World of Warcraft-playing nerd might actually get to touch a boob before he does.

Do any of these sound... familiar? Don't be shy, tell us in the comments! And come back tomorrow for Part II!

Related post: 20 Things Not to Say on a Date

Topics: Life
Tags: guides, relationships, dating

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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