Auntie SparkNotes: Dialogue With Your Parental Units

Dear Auntie,
I've never really had a "relationship" with my parents. I mean, they aren't separated or anything, I just don't know how I'm suppose to act, or whatever, around them. I always end up being silent and that's the norm now. I'm still a teenager, so I think I'm going to need to talk to them at some point, right?
They don't make an effort to talk to me much, but, when they do, I can't seem to find more than just the answers to their questions.

I want to have at least some level of a relationship with both of my parents, but I have no idea how. Can you help me?

Wow. WOW.

I'm not gonna lie: the fact that you're a teenager and interested in having a real relationship with your parents is awesome. (If they knew you wrote this letter, they'd probably be thrilled to death.) Right now, it sounds like you've gotten yourselves into a Cycle of Awkwardness: you feel awkward and don't know what to say, so you don't say anything, which makes your parents feel awkward, so they don't know what to say, so they don't say anything, which... makes you feel awkward.

So how do you get past all the awkwardness? Simple: Stop seeing your parents as unknowable aliens who you're supposed to talk to in a certain way, and start seeing them as...people.

Because you're a teenager, it's time for your relationship with Mom and Dad to undergo a transition. It's actually a great thing. You're old enough that your parents don't have to devote every waking minute to making sure you aren't putting your pants on backward or playing with matches or eating things you find on the floor. Which means that now, most of the time, you can just interact with them the way you would with...well, anyone.

Your parents have their own thoughts, tastes, and interesting stories to tell. So, next time they ask you a question, instead of just answering and leaving it at that, why not ask them something? If you and your dad watch a movie together, ask him what he thought of it. If your mom has been asking you how English class is going, ask her what kind of stuff she read in high school. And if you want some real entertainment, ask them how they met and got married. Their answer is guaranteed to make you see them in a whole new light.

From there, talking with your parents is just like talking with your friends (with a few key difference—you might want to avoid dropping the f-bomb, for instance.) And having a relationship with them is like having a relationship with anyone: you have to get to know them as people.

They just happen to be people who can, for the next couple years anyway, sometimes force you to eat your vegetables and go to bed.

How do you talk to your parents? Easily? Not at all? Leave feedback for our letter-writer in the comments! And if you have a question for Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.