Dagger University: Free Time, Loneliness, and Dementors

Dear Chelsea Dagger,
I’ve been in college for a few months now, and I’m finding that I have a ton of free time, even with classes and homework. Sometimes it’s okay, but sometimes sitting around in my room looking at Facebook just makes me bored and really lonely. I don’t know what to do with myself—I’m naturally shy and I feel like while I’m just hanging out in my room, everyone else is out having fun. I’m not sure I’ll ever really feel at home here or figure out how to have fun. Do you have any advice?

Dear Bored-Pants McLonesome Sauce,
Endless hours of free time at college are a lot like Dementors: as my close personal friend Hermione Granger might say, “They’re not going to kill you. It’s much worse. They’re going to suck out your soul.” And that’s all there is to it.

SIKE. (Dagger side note: “Sike,” a way cooler version of "psych," is what I used to say back in fifth grade when I had an afro and headgear—if you really want to make friends in college, spread that word around like wildfire.) The freedom of college life is great. And the first few months of it are great in a crushing, overwhelming, demoralizing sort of way. All those hours on your own can be daunting, and initially, you may find yourself spending a surprising amount of time binge-eating cookie dough, typing your own name into Google, coming up with a far-fetched solution to the climate crisis, and reading “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” so many times that the pages fall out and you use them to construct a dashing wizard hat. If any of this sounds familiar, listen up: DO. NOT. PANIC.

If you spend time by yourself, stalk your classmates on Facebook, wonder what the kids down the hall are up to, or sob into your sleeves while eating peanut butter off of a highlighter, it doesn’t make you a loser, a loner, or a failure: IT MAKES YOU A NORMAL COLLEGE STUDENT.

Everyone struggles to feel at home, to fit in, and to find a solid group of friends in the first few months of college. For me, it took a year before I really settled in and got comfortable. Sure, there are gonna be kids that have 457 friends on the first day, and kids that party every night until 4 am. But there are also kids just like you, sitting in their rooms wishing someone would knock on their door and invite them to a Harry Potter movie marathon. And you’re not going to meet those kids by burying your face in cookie dough and quietly singing “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I should go eat worms.” (Dagger side note: that’s the song I used to sing to myself back in fifth grade when I had an afro, headgear, and loads of plummeting self-esteem.)

I know it’s hard, but next time you’re sitting alone in your room, drag yourself out of the depths of desperation and go rub elbows with your hall mates. Anyone with an open door is a likely bet for a potential friend, as is anyone crying into a tub of ice cream. An hour or two of meeting people and doing something social can do wonders to lift the cloud of desolation from over your head.

Keeping yourself entertained by writing in a journal, joining a club or intramural sport, people-watching on the quad, chatting with your roomies, or wandering the streets asking upstanding citizens for spare change. All of these activities are key to staving off loneliness and boredom.

And please, for the love of Dumbledore, try not to spend obscene amounts of time on Facebook. Looking at other peoples’ pictures or stalking their walls may only increase your gloominess. Instead, get out there AND MEET THOSE HUSSIES. Would Ron have ever met Harry if he’d been glued to his Mac Book updating his status with “i hate snape SO much lol xoxox”? NO. So get on your broom and get out there. YOU’LL BE GREAT.

In high school or in college, how long did it take you to find a good friend group?

Have a college-related question you want Chelsea to tackle? Send it to advice@sparknotes.com!