How Not To Destroy Your Cell Phone

Even though it's a bad idea, phone-throwing is wildly popular. Just ask Russell Crowe or Naomi Campbell. Heck, in Chicopee, Massachusetts, they’ve even got a whole contest dedicated to throwing phones!

We have some personal experience with this. Yesterday, one of your dear SparkNotes writers was on the phone, and got angry. Somehow, seemingly out of magic, the phone flew out of her hand and went sailing through the air.

She thought, “Wow! That’s pretty amazing, I didn’t expect that to happen.”

And then the phone hit the wall and broke into 27 pieces.

The satisfying smack of plastic hitting a wall, and the subsequent crunch and clatter of a $300 device devolving into a $0 pile of crap, gave way to the unhappy realization that she had just voluntarily destroyed her phone.

Since phone-throwing is both addictive and expensive, we've come up with a list of better things to do when you get angry:

1. Create a painstakingly detailed Lego replica of Tokyo and destroyed it like Godzilla.
2. Bake cookies in the likeness of the offending party. Mmm, revenge is so sweet!
3. Try to fit your whole fist in your mouth. It’s a satisfying distraction.
4. Rearrange your room according to the ancient Chinese system of Feng Shui.
5. Two words: voodoo doll.
6. Find an old cellphone and break that instead.
7. Challenge a younger sib to a light saber duel. Easy wins can really cheer you up!
8. Sing any Limp Bizkit song at the top of your lungs, and then crumble into a sobbing heap because you realize you actually know the words to, like, three whole Limp Bizkit songs.
9. Strip naked and run down your street like a crazy person. Feeling angry is a lot like feeling crazy anyway.
10. Start a mosh pit in a checkout line at Walmart.

What do you do when you’re infuriated?

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