Revenge Is MINE!

Sparkler villanous_mwaha warns us that this was written in a fit of rage. We're just going to...um...go hide now. —SparkNotes editors

This guide to getting revenge is focused on the main culprits of your daily torture: siblings. Older siblings, to be precise, for these wretches have the power to control your life and, lord, do they know it. Here's my list of suggestions for torturing your torturer:

Tortures for the timid

These suggestions are for those who don’t like attention, or don’t want to do much harm.

1. Tell on them
Simple, and hardly torturous, but effective. If getting your sib in trouble is your goal, this will do the trick.

2. Do the clever thing
Do what I'm doing: Write an article about your horrible sib, get it published on SparkNotes, put it your blog, or add it to your Facebook wall! Don't forget to ridicule your sib, get your feelings out, have a good vent, and prove to her that you don’t mind revealing her secrets online for anyone to see.

3. Do the sneaky thing
I really like this one. Get a walkie talkie and put it under his pillow (or inside it) on a low volume. Find a scary, intimidating, or patronizing sound clip and get it ready. When your torturer is sleeping, or trying to, play the pre-prepared clip through your walkie talky.

And yes, you're allowed to giggle into the walkie talky when it's over.

Revenge for the reasonably confident

You're willing to play a medium-scale prank, but you don’t want to psychologically damage your sib, just terrorize him/her a little.

1. The swap
Say your sib steals your deodorant. (You have NO idea how annoying that can be.) To teach her a lesson, take out the deodorant and replace the top part with glue.

2. The LOL factor
Find dissolvable laxatives. Get your torturer a drink. BAHAHA!! Sorry, I am just imagining what my sib's reaction would look like...

3. A series of small pranks
Put cling wrap on the toilet and insects in your sib's shoes. Remove one thing from his room every day over a long period of time to see if he notices. Once your sib finds you out, you will pay, but it will be worth it!

Payback, the psychotic way

You, my friend, are out to cause this person pain—real, deep pain! She hurt you bad, and you're not about to let her get away with it. These are what some call "traumatizing."

Note: Your SparkNotes editors do not condone the following suggestions.

1. Destroy a toy
At the risk of sounding like a COMPLETE lunatic, find your sib's favorite toy and burn it in your back garden. Only do so, however, if he is older than you, and at an age where he no longer needs toys. For instance, my sister threw my favorite bear of all time out of the highest window of the house…*sniff*

2. Attaaaaaaack!!!!!
Fight, and fight dirty! As your sib is coming out of a room, adopt a menacing snarl and jump on her, like some sort of were-vampire. Bite, scratch, spit, kick, claw and mutilate. Note: The back of the arm is most effective when pinching, believe me.

3. Find the fear
Work out what your sib's biggest fear is and exploit it to the point of depression, anxiety and, if necessary, a nervous breakdown. Afraid of the dark? Steal all the light bulbs from their room. Claustrophobic? Put her in an elavator and jam it. Paranoid? Stare at one point on her face while looking worried, curious, or amused, and get others to do the same. You will mess with her head and mentally destroy her.

Thanks go to Georgia, Leala, Sophie, and rebel_of_nowhere for additional thoughts and ideas, and maybe not thanks, but credit should go to my sister for inspiring me (or driving me) to writing this.

How do you torture your sib?

Related Post: Tips on Ditching Your Older Sibling

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