Gym Class Hero...?

Sparkler kitkatbar622, you've gotten at a question that plagues your editors on a daily basis: Why are dodgeballs so hard and painful? —SparkNotes editors

As a junior high school or elementary school student, you may have found gym class a relieving free period of social bliss. But as a high-schooler, physical education = weight lifting, lap running, and worst of all, dodgeballing. For some of you, that may not sound so horrible, but some of us, umm, dilatory people, would much rather go back to the days of recess and parachute games. We don't care too much for a bunch of sweaty kids chucking totally NOT squishy (no matter what they tell you!) dodgeballs at us, no matter how much fun the teacher tells us it is.

Which group are you in, the gym class heroes or the dilatory folk?:

Dodgeball

Gym Class Heroes: Sweatband? Check. More than three bottles of water consumed before gym class? Check. Serious-looking shoes? Check. Cape? No. But who needs a cape when you have a dodgeball?

The opposing team will cringe at the mighty force of your right arm, as you rear back and strike with the strength of a hundred stegosauruses (rawrrrr!). But don't get over-confident, buddy. We don't want any damaged civilians...

Dilatory Folk: You are the one doing the cringing. Problem is, those spheres of fury (they call them "fun") just seem to follow you! You need to find a shield, and fast. Settle for your hat, the scoreboard, your friend, whatever! Just get out of the fire zone. No, you’re not being wimpy. You’re just delicate.

Weight Lifting

GCH: Here is your chance to impress everyone, to prove that you can do so much more than just arm wrestle! Those guns of yours need to be pumped up to woo the ladies, so bring it on! This gym unit is what separates the strong GCHs from the weak GCHs, and those weaklings are temporarily turned into...

Dilatory Folk: "Oh my gosh. He did not just say weight lifting...wait! He did?! NO. I refuse to even touch that machine! I will not be subjected to this kind of humiliation—EVER. What? Go to the principal's office? Who are you to tell me what to do?! Ugh! This is so unfair!"

Congratulations, you have just succeeded in whining yourself out of weight lifting! But you went a little too far, all the way to the principal. At least you didn't have to weight lift, but still, shucks...you kind of managed to embarrass yourself, anyway.

Gymnastics

GCH: This is not your usual turf. This sport is graceful, and there are weird mats involved. Still, when it's time for you to do your first little trick, you easily make it over the vault without even touching it! Wait...wasn't that the point? Oh, so you're supposed to actually...oh. Well, everybody's clapping, so you must have done something right.

Dilatory Folk: Finally, something that's actually possible! Not too much running is involved here, and you definitely have the coordination to actually balance yourself (video games are good for something!), so you're all set. You ROCK at trampoline, and beam is pretty fun, when they don't make you do cartwheels. This might be your only chance all year to impress, so go for it, because this week might be your best in gym class all year!

You might be a gym class hero, or a lazy person, or a strange combination of both. But I think a lot of us might agree on something: The dilatory people should stick to writing, art, or theater (the sports-equivalent for the un-athletic). The big sport stars out there might want to save their talent for practice after school, and not show off. If everyone could finally decide to take it down a few notches, gym might actually remain a social hour through high school, and what could be better than that?

Are you with me? What's gym class about for you?

Related Post: Gym Class Survival Guide

Wanna write for SparkLife? Send your submission and nickname to contribute@sparknotes.com for consideration!