My Crush is Dead

We applaud wildegirl55's willingness to profess her love. It's just too bad her crushes can't respond! —SparkNotes editors

Have you ever thought about having a romantic relationship with a dead person? Not even once? Come on, you know how it starts: You're trying to analyze some obscure canto of Childe Harold's Pilgrimage in the middle of the night (because you were playing FarmVille for SIX HOURS before that), and in your last ditch effort to finish the assignment, you start frantically Googling for information...then you come upon the image of the author.

That, my friends, is a MAN.

You would not believe how many times I've fallen head over heels for a guy at least 100 years my senior. I constantly find myself trying to convert my friends to Byron-worship or whatnot, but they don't buy it. Consequently, I have earned the name "Necrophile" in my English class. As if it were a bad thing.

Here is my list of the five *dead* men that I love most ardently.

5. Horatio Nelson

This one is purely physical. Nelson at age 19 is gorgeous. A naval genius, he was heavily involved in the Napoleonic Wars as a Vice Admiral in the British Navy. And he lost an arm in the Battle of Santa Cruz de Tenerife. How awesome is that?

4. Frederic Chopin

This one was my first crush ever. I'm a romantic music nerd, and his nocturnes are absolutely beautiful. Kudos to anyone who can play Fantasie-Impromptu with fewer than 3 hands. I salute you.

3. Oscar Wilde

The greatest wit ever to live. Ever. And no one could throw a cocktail party like Wilde could. His ability to stand up for what he believed in also impresses me.

*Note: Bosie would probably be on this list if he weren't such a meanie to Wilde. If you don't know who he is, look him up!

2. Lord Byron

His poetry. His personality. His perfect hair. He's so awesome that he's a Greek national hero, even though he doesn't have a drop of Greek in him. He is the standard against which Mr. Rochester and Heathcliff must be measured. Did I mention he's beautiful?

1. Alexander Hamilton

I love Alexander Hamilton to...death. I love his auburn hair, violet eyes, and peaches and cream complexion. I love it that he rose from illegitimacy to become one of the most important founding fathers in American History. I love how this hot-headed, five foot seven, scrawny kid held his own against Thomas Jefferson and George Washington (who were both over 6 feet tall). Most of all, I loved the sense of honor that he maintained through his life. Alexander Hamilton is, in my opinion, the greatest man to ever live. And he's all mine (in my head).

How about you? Now's your chance to profess the dead love that you've been keeping in for all this time!

Related Post: I've Got a Crush on You (and I Will Stalk You Until You Marry Me)

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