Auntie SparkNotes: Like Who Makes You Happy

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

So I like this guy, which isn't unusual, but what IS unusual is that I'm almost positive he likes me back.

Now, I personally think he's fantastic. He's nice and funny and he makes me SO SO happy. He's a really sweet, adorable guy, just a little... eccentric, in my opinion. I wont gush on about all the things I like about him because that would take far too long, and be pretty boring for you.

This would be totally awesome, and it really is, except for one thing.

None of my friends like him. It's not because he's abusive or does drugs or smokes or anything like that at all, it's just because he's a little different. He doesn't have that many friends (though he's actually really friendly and charismatic), he's really in to deathmetal (he showed me some, it's not as bad as I thought) and anime/manga. He has ADHD and a lot of people find him annoying. He's maybe a little inappropriate and kind of immature at times too, I guess. But not really.

It kind of bothers me that my friends think this way and even though they say they'll support me in everything I do I can see their expressions when I talk about him and I know they don't really approve. One friend even told me she preferred me with this guy I liked a long time ago, who hurt me emotionally quite badly. It took a long time for me to get over him, and this new guy now is really helping me. I know I shouldn't care about what people say, but I can't help having a bit of a problem when I hear people complain about him or anything like that. I feel so shallow.

What should I do? How can I just ignore other people and focus on what makes me happy? Or SHOULD I listen to my friends?

The way I see it, you're actually dealing with two separate problems. First, there's the boy thing. And second, there's the fact that your friends are lame.

Oh, whoops—did I say that out loud?

I'm not suggesting there aren't certain circumstances under which a person's friends can speak up in opposition to a potential boyfriend. Speaking up is fine, if the circumstances are as follows:

The potential boyfriend is involved in illegal activities.
The potential boyfriend is physically or emotionally abusive, or is otherwise inflicting harm.
The potential boyfriend is rude and unpleasant to other people.
The potential boyfriend has another girlfriend. Or several.
The potential boyfriend is secretly a clown.

Notice that “The potential boyfriend has ADHD and likes anime” is not on this list. So unless the guy in question is hurting you in some way (or is secretly a clown, because OMG SCARY), your friends are behaving like a collective bunch of unintelligent tools—and Auntie SparkNotes is particularly cheesed that someone had the gall to suggest that she “liked you better” with a guy who emotionally wounded you. If that happens again, please follow this script to resolve the issue immediately:

Friend: [Boy you like] is weird. I liked you better with [horrible boy].
You: That's funny, I liked you better when you had a dirty gym sock stuffed in your mouth.
Friend: What? I never had—
You: [produces dirty gym sock and stuffs it into friend's mouth]
Friend: Mmph.

But while I think your friends are being pretty lame, I'm also detecting a certain reluctance in your letter. Lame or not, the fact that your friends don't share your enthusiasm for this guy is bugging you, and that means one of two things:

Possibility 1: You liked this guy in spite of the fact that he's a little different, but the disapproval of your friends has opened your eyes to certain things about him (immaturity, etc.) that you don't really dig.

Possibility 2: You adore this guy precisely because he's a little different, and the disapproval of your friends has opened your eyes to the fact that your friends are a bunch of close-minded jackasses.

So, which is it? Do you like this guy well enough, but find yourself wishing he could just be a little more normal sometimes? Or do you think that his eccentricity makes him confident, intelligent, and cool—and you're bothered that your friends can't get past their own prejudices to see that?

Based on your letter, I strongly suspect—and hope—that it's Possibility 2. (And not just because all my best friends are quirky people who were “a little different” in high school.) And if it is, you won't be struggling to ignore the judge-y obnoxiousness of your friends—because you'll have no problem letting them know that Eccentric Guy likes you for who you are, respects you, and makes you happy... and that they should shut the [bleep] up.

And if they don't listen, there's always the gym sock.

Got something to say, something to add, or a question for Auntie SparkNotes? Leave your feedback in the comments, or email her at advice@sparknotes.com.