Train Travel Trips

Earlier this week, we provided you with a few handy tips for keeping yourself sane and entertained on your family's Turkey Day road trip. We hope you'll use and enjoy them all when you're safely ensconced in the backseat, as the family minivan trundles inexorably along the interstate toward grandmother's house and Thanksgiving dinner. But because there's more than one way to travel this great nation of ours, we had to come back with another installment of our Thanksgiving Travel Survival Guide—to serve those Sparklers whose plans do not involve automobiles. What, did you think we've leave you behind? Never!

Welcome to the latest post in our survival series: On the Rails.

If you've ever watched an old Hollywood movie, you know that train travel was once a glamorous and exciting pastime. Swankily-dressed people in white gloves and fur coats hopped aboard a big old steam engine, and found themselves in a moving paradise of gourmet meals, great hats, romance, intrigue, and maybe even the occasional murder.

And if you've ever actually been on a train, you know that it's definitely not like that anymore.

The glitz and glam of train travel has been mostly replaced by “looking out the window at trees.” Still, your on-the-rails Thanksgiving trip has a few benefits that your average minivan just doesn't : space to move around in, other occupants to talk to, and—of course—a bathroom at close range. To take advantage of these luxuries, may we suggest:

Bring a book. Motion sickness makes it tough to read on a road trip, but the smoothness of train travel makes it possible to enjoy some literature without worrying that you might bring on the vom. Plus, being absorbed in a book is the best protection against the stranger sitting next to you, who may or may not be ready to engage you in conversation about his most recent colonoscopy.

Dig the dining car. Not only is the dining car the last vestige of train travel's glory days, but it's also where the cool people hang out—from grizzled old men with excellent stories to share, to a group of 20-somethings getting drunk on boxed wine and trading obscene tales of holiday horror. Escape your assigned seat and spend some time people-watching. (You might even run into an attractive individual of the same age who'd love nothing more than to share his tiny bag of Doritos with you.)

Use the bathroom. Just because you can.

Stretch out. Legroom is crucial to a good travel experience. Snag yourself an empty bench, then glare at anyone who attempts to take the other seat. If the train begins to fill up, talk actively to the empty seat as though there is a person sitting there. If somebody attempts to sit down anyway, scream, “NOOOOOO! YOU CRUSHED WALTER!” and begin crying hysterically. Later, glare at your seatmate and accuse him or her of hogging all the air molecules.

Have some family fun. With the stress of driving out of their hands, your parents will delight in joining you in train-friendly games like Go Fish, Twenty Questions, and Who Can Yell The Word “Weiner” The Loudest. The conductor likes that last one a lot.

Get creative. When you're tired of looking out the window, it's time to break out the heavy artillery. Boredom is the enemy! Use mascara to draw a mustache on the bathroom mirror. Ask the conductor to call your companions, Seymour Butts and Ivana Mann, to the dining car. Put a lifesized replica of a golden retriever in the seat next to you and complain that it ate all the snausages.

Use the bathroom again. Hey, it's there!

Got a travel-by-train tip to share with the class? Tell us in the comments! And stay tuned for the next installment: PLANES.