Band vs. Choir: The Ultimate Showdown

Would you rather lug a 50-pound baritone sax on and off the school bus twice a day for four years, or put on a sparkly vest every weekend and strut around on a stage doing “jazz hands”? Most people know without thinking about it which camp they fall into. But if you’re undecided, this quick-reference pro/con list will help you make an informed decision.

Band: Pros
1. Band is louder than choir.
2. Band kids watch a lot of Monty Python.
3. You will cultivate strong lips (except for percussionists, but they might do this anyway, with each other).
4. The band room is usually far away from the rest of the school.
5. Band directors are like wild animals, which is invigorating when you're viewing them at a safe distance.
6. For marching band: exciting drum cadences and “cornering.”
7. For jazz band: silent understanding that you are smarter than everybody else.
8. For pep band: realization that basketball games would suck without you.
9. You can play an INSTRUMENT!
10. Band camp.

Band: Cons
1. Potential geek factor.
2. Reeds.
3. Spit valves.
4. Lugging your instrument home to “practice.”
5. Ancient, heavy polyester uniforms, complete with spats and a confusing thing that looks like a squirrel tail.
6. Hearing damage.
7. Occasional strong feelings of absurdity.
8. Secret envy of choir members.
9. Relatives who say, “why don’t you play a little something for us?”
10. Band camp.

Choir: Pros
1. Nothing to carry.
2. A sunny, optimistic disposition.
3. Poise and confidence.
4. No fear of karaoke, the National Anthem, campfire songs, or birthdays.
5. Increased lung capacity.
6. For concert choir: the ability to take yourself very seriously.
7. For show choir: outstanding arm-leg-voice coordination.
8. For a capella groups: a very specific kind of fearlessness.
9. The possibility of stardom.
10. The knowledge of how to box step.

Choir: Cons
1. Sparkly vests.
2. No instrument to hide behind if you mess up.
3. Larger rib cage because of increased lung capacity makes it hard for women to find bras that fit.
4. Pantyhose.
5. Suspenders.
6. Finding out your choir crush is gay, and thus, you have no chance.
7. Secret fear of band members.
8. Pressure to be absurdly attractive.
9. Self-tanning is expensive.
10. Good posture arouses suspicion in others, especially band members.

Which are you? Band or choir?

Related Post: Marching Band: A Fascinating Ecosystem