Funny Ways to Handle Touchy-Feely Hands

Sparkler raj101 proves it's possible to say "no" with a sense of humor, and we are so very into that. —SparkNotes editors

Most of you have had this awkward moment (speaking mainly to the ladies here): You're in a movie theater, and that not-so-adorable guy you hardly know starts putting his grimy hands places you'd rather they not be.

Sure, some girls are into this, but some girls are also into hard drugs and Miley Cyrus. If a guy is making you feel uncomfortable, there's no need to stifle your urge to tell him to get his dirty paws off of you. Here are some creative (and effective) ways to do so:

1. Drool. Creatively position your mouth so that the drool drips directly on his hand.

2. Look in disgust at his hand, and pick it up by the pinky and move it back over to his lap. Shudder.

3. Get up and move. Glare at him from a distance.

4. Bite his hand. Not seductively. It may be in your best interest, however, not to draw blood (for legal reasons).

5. Take a big gulp of Icee and "accidentally" let it squirt out of your mouth/nose onto him while laughing. Do not stop laughing.

6. Scream, "AHHHCK! WHAT IS THAT THING!" while pointing to his face. Get up and run away.

7. Casually tell him you have an STD that is transmitted via any sort of skin contact. Grab his hand.

8. Bark at him. I always find that people will do what you want when you bark at them.

9. Lean over and whisper in his ear, "My dad's sitting two rows behind us."

10. Elbow him in the stomach. Pretend nothing happened.

Do you gentlemen have any creative solutions for this problem?

Related Post: The Rules of Old School Dating

Wanna write for SparkLife? Send your submission and nickname to contribute@sparknotes.com for consideration!