Eulogy for the Mom Jean

As many of us begin the hallowed transition from autumn wear to winter gear, let us take pause to eulogize a fashion trend that need not see 2010:

Friends, family, fashion-lovers. We are gathered here today to lay to rest a misunderstood fashion trend: the Mom Jean.

Some of us may have known the Mom Jean from our childhoods, when the Mom Jean was…well, jeans worn by our moms. Others may have met Mom Jean in her other form: the Teacher Pant, with matching belly pooch.

Then, a few short years back, the Mom Jean had a shocking and revolutionary reemergence under a different name: the High-Waisted Jean. High-Waisted Jean took the fashion world by storm! First Paris! Then Milan! Then New York! Then Target…where we tried them on. Oh High-Waisted Jean, why did you try to deceive us? Is a Mom Jean by any other name any less ugly?

Because let's face it, Mom Je—oh, excuse me, High Waisted Jean: when the average fashionista puts you on, she immediately feels the urge to jump into a minivan and haul some brats to soccer practice. You flatter no one. And by "no one," I mean any girl with a body mass index over 12. Put on some Mom Jeans and watch your back magic (aka your butt) disappear and your hips blow out, all while you zip the world’s longest zipper.

We’ve tried you numerous times, Mom Jean. We've tried you in dark rinse, light rinse, $200 designer, and $20 clearance rack. It just ain’t working.

So, Mom Jean, we admire your tenacity. We thank you for dragging us down memory lane, kicking and screaming, and reminding us why those snobs in Paris don’t know jack about dressing the average girl. Now kindly return to that awful dark corner in the closet from whence you came.

May you rest in peace, Mom Jean, and never ever EVER show up on our clothing racks again.

What do you think about the High-Waisted Jean aka Mom Jean?

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