As your parents are always telling you, it's important to be responsible. But what parents often forget about being young and cute is that sometimes you just have to do crazy stuff so that you can figure out what the world’s like. So before you grow up and have to worry about boring things like credit scores, here’s a list of things to do. If you complete this list by age 25, you might actually be interesting.
1. Coat your entire arm in glue. Let set and dry. See if you can peel off the new layer of your skin in just one picking, maybe two. Talk about an alternative skin care treatment!
2. Have you ever stuck turkey in the change dispenser of the soda machine in the cafeteria? Now's the time to try it. It’s the Ponzi scheme of high school: Girl puts in a dollar for Diet Coke. Her change falls into the dispenser. She reaches down and feels a slimy substance. She walks away, her face wrinkled in disgust. You are 50 cents richer. Time for some hot cookies from the caf.
3. Make a duct tape wallet and try not to rip the twenties your dad gave you to buy dangly earrings and flower headbands.
4. Cruise the mall in an incognito car. Drive up to a group of kids that look younger than you. Tell them you’re looking for your little brother Tommy. Tommy Potential. At first be friendly, and then get sad about not being able to find Tommy. If you can cry on command, it really sells the act. Then lay on your horn, yelling, “Give me Tommy or Give Me Death!!!”
5. Reenact your favorite Bear Grylls moments at a local forest preserve. You might want to think twice about eating the deer’s eyeballs, although they’re supposedly really high in protein. But could you do that to Bambi?
6. Get a hickey. Then get rid of it by rubbing Visine on your neck. Works like a charm….not that I know or anything.
7. Pretend you don’t know English when you ride the bus. If you don’t know English, pretend you do.
8. Leave your number as a tip at the local Chiles.
9. Picture text your math teacher the backne of the girl who sits in front of you. Don’t forget to include some LOLZ and emoticons. :)
10. Two words: Dread Locks. One more: Pink.
11. Compose a poem for Barb, the old bag with the hairnet and the mole who scoops chicken salad gobs onto trays in the cafeteria. Sign it from the janitor with the one hand. Don’t forget to send him the same poem from the romantic Barb, spraying it with a mixture of cooking oil and White Oleander Sensual Body Mist.
12. Construct a disco disk starting with the cardboard tube of wrapping paper. Hit the local McDonald’s parking lot for a dance party.
13. Feeling super obese? Jar of Peanut Butter+ Jar of Jelly+ Gallon of ice cream= a legit ice cream sandwich. Tastes like 4th grade lunch and unicorns rolled together but less lean.
14. Skip lunch. Leave the sandwich on your principal’s windshield.
15. Invest in a fart spray. The possibilities are endless. Think bus drivers, crossing guards, cheerleaders. Sorry, but it won’t remove hickies.
16. Are you a senior? If so, use powered flour to whiten your hair. Grab your grandma’s biggest horn rimmed glasses. If possible, borrow her walker or cane (it’s not like she goes anywhere.) Throw on any unflattering clothes that give you a pouch. Now you’re a legit senior and you’re ready for another day of school.
17. Eat an apple every hour for one day. Remember, 24 apples a day keeps the swine flu away.
18. Make a Facebook page for your mom. Tag some pictures of those hickies under an album entitled “Love Hurts.” Friend her boss.
19. Post really bad tormented poetry on message boards. You can only write earnest stuff and get away with it when you’re young. When you’re older, it's not cool to be tormented; it's just called being depressed.
20. Make a snow globe in shop class using the dandruff from your hair. Happy holidays!
21. Remember hair wraps? Get a whole load of ‘em, multi-colors, they don’t have to match. Because really, you can never do that again. You’re probably too old for it already, but everyone blocks out high school anyway, so no one will remember in five years.
22. Don’t just read banned books. Write banned books. Everyone knows the younger you are when you accomplish something, the more praise you get. It’s so much more impressive when a 17-year-old writes a halfway decent book then when some 40-something complacent wrinkly lady does the same. The 17-year-old might just get her own talk show.
23. Can you go a week without showering? Better yet, can you go a week without showering or using your computer and also not eating diary products? Talk about a struggle. This is real life.
24. Drive to the movie theater, order popcorn and cotton candy, take it to school, and eat it during study hall.
25. Is it weird if I tell you to cuddle your mom before you're 25 and it's borderline incestuous? That’s what I thought. Just don’t give her any hickies.
What's on your pre-25 bucket list?
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