The Art of Sucking Up

We like dannydoestrun824's tips on sucking up because they're intended to avoid annoying fellow students. On behalf of students everywhere, thanks! —SparkNotes editors

You know that kid who the teacher absolutely loves. The kid who always gets As. The kid who can do no wrong. I hate that kid. Or at least I used to.

The art of sucking up is more difficult than it seems. People assume all you have to do is compliment the teacher and laugh at his ridiculously unfunny jokes. But it's not that easy. Aside from gaining your teachers admiration, you also want to suck up in a way that's not irritating to your classmates. So aim for charming, not teacher’s pet. Here's my advice:

1. Don't start too late.

You can’t begin sucking up when you’re already failing the class. You should start as soon as you can tell the class is getting hard (or when you discover that a particular teacher has a microwave and/or fridge).

2. Flattery will get you nowhere.

Unless you have one of those self-conscious teachers who is such a pushover that telling her you like her shoes will make her day (in which case you don't need to read this), hold off on compliments. You’re 16, she's 40. And for some, the age gap is even larger. Finding out you like her jacket won’t do a thing for you or her because she doesn't care what you think of her clothes. The only time you can compliment teachers and have them respect your opinion is when you’re already cool with them.

3. Fit your sucking up to the teacher’s personality.

If your teacher is friendly, feel free to crack a few jokes. If your teacher is truly funny, you don’t have to worry about jokes, just show that you think he’s funny by laughing, but respect him by shutting up the minute he asks you to do so.

If your teacher is mean, angry, and hates children, then your jokes better be funny. Getting a mean teacher to even crack a smile is like opening a gateway to an imminent A. But don’t be fooled: you still need to be on your best behavior. Most mean teachers don’t want to show they have favorites, so their kindness will be subtle.

If your teacher is extremely dull, and makes you want to pull your hair out just to stay awake, then you must be in my physics class. I kid, I kid. In this situation, don’t crack jokes. He probably won’t get them, and if he does he’ll spend so long talking about how the joke was anatomically incorrect that you will be begging him to return to his lecture on how friction is applied to mass and...
Sorry, dozed off at my keyboard for a bit.

4. Smile a lot.

But not too much. Nod your head sincerely and take (or act like you are taking) notes. You'll seem like you're genuinely enjoying the class, but beware, because smilers get called on a lot.

5. Show her you’re making an effort to learn.

If you don’t understand something, stay after class and ask her. Even if you’re bombing the tests, if she knows you’re truly trying your best, she’ll try her best to help you.

Note to the reader: Sucking up may also be used with the intent of receiving awesome college recommendations.

Are you a suckup?

Related Post: Alternatives to Sucking Up

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