Auntie SparkNotes: The Scarlet Googler

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
I was doing some homework on my dad's computer. I accidentally exited out of one of the browsers so I went into the history of the Internet to reopen it. In the history, I saw that there was a Google search for "site for cheaters." He had also been to a certain website. I researched it and it is a site that specifically caters to adulterers. My parents are still married. It doesn't seem like my dad goes on "business trips" or always "comes home late from work" as you would expect a cheater to do but I don't see what he does at the computer every night or even at work. I have no idea what to do. Should I tell my older sister? Should I confront my dad or tell my mom? I wish I could forget I ever saw it, but that seems impossible. Please help!
Sincerely,
The Girl with the (Cheating?) Dad

I know how upsetting this must be, but before you work yourself into a state, let's talk a little bit about the nature of internet searches. See, one of greatest things about the internet is that no matter what random question has popped into your head, you can google it.

And one of the most horrible, ghastly things about the internet is that no matter what random question has popped into your head, you can google it.

Which is why, while your father might be googling “site for cheaters” for the reason you're so worried about, he might also be googling it because:

- He was bored one day and thought to himself, “I wonder if there's a disgusting website out there for horrible depraved cheaters, of which I am most certainly not one?”

- He'd heard something about it on the news—that particular site has been reported on extensively over the past year—and wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

- He actually meant to type “site for cheese graters” but accidentally moused over it at the last minute. Hey, anything's possible.

Fact is, because the internet is there to indulge our every curiosity at a single click, even the most upstanding citizen in the world probably has an internet history full of embarrassing, weird, and suspicious-looking keyword searches. And that means that you mustn't jump to conclusions about your father's internet activities, even if the evidence looks really bad.

Now comes the hard part. Your dad may or may not be having an affair. What's more important is that what you saw is going to keep eating away at you until you talk to him about it. It'll be a tough conversation, for sure, but it'll go more smoothly if you try the following:

Tell him what happened, what you saw, and that it freaked you out. It's better if you do this in person, but conversations like this are really, really tough. So if you don't think you can handle a face-to-face chat, you can start out by writing him a letter or sending him an email. You could say something like, "Dad, I have something kind of awkward to ask you. I was trying to find a website, and I accidentally found a site for adulterers in the browser history. I've been feeling really upset about it, and I just wanted to be honest with you and talk to you about it."

Focus on the problem at hand. You want to talk about how this discovery made you feel, not whether or not your father is a liar or terrible person—even if your worst fears are confirmed during the conversation. It's an unfortunate truth that marriage can be really, really complicated, and sometimes things go on in a relationship that parents just can't talk about with their children. There may be aspects of your parents' marriage you don't know about, for good reason.

Remember that your father cares about you. This is THE most important part of the equation: No matter what's going on between him and your mother, your dad is there for you. He will want to know what you saw and that it upset you, so don't be afraid to talk to him.

Chances are that all your fears are unfounded, and your father's visits to the site in question were nothing more than idle curiosity. But no matter what happens, you can be proud that you confronted and dealt with a painful problem in an incredibly adult way. Be proud of yourself for that. We're keeping our fingers crossed for you.

Do you have advice or support for our letter-writer? Want to send Auntie SparkNotes a question? Leave your feedback in the comments, or send an email to advice@sparknotes.com.