What Teachers Really Mean

Sounds like Sparkler xXx_lola_xXx has had some horrible teachers. We hope you have better luck next year, lola! —SparkNotes editors

You've been in school for a lonnnng time, but you still have trouble relating to teachers. They say things and you think you have it down, but you're wrong. I have discovered the true meaning behind a lot of the remarks teachers make, and I feel it is my obligation to clue you in:

When they say: This homework assignment is important.
They mean: I want you to spend your entire evening on this homework. I want you to have no social life. When I grade your homework, I will give you the lowest possible grade for the work you did.

When they say: You have to write an essay.
They mean: You have to spend your weekend doing superfluous research and writing an essay I won't even read because I'm going to a Hootie & the Blowfish reunion concert instead.

When they say: It's your own fault if you have bad grades.
They mean: If you stop annoying me, I might raise your grade. It all depends on your behavior. If you weren't so annoying, you wouldn't have bad grades in the first place.

When they say: You have detention after school.
They mean: You will spend the whole detention cleaning my classroom while I relax to my CDs of rushing water noises. You will not be allowed to go to the bathroom. *ring-ring-ring* Uh-huh. No problem. *click* Okay, fine. Turns out we'll be watched, so forget all that. You'll just do your homework.

When they say: Be quiet.
They mean: Be quiet or you'll get a detention.

When they say: Go work out the problem on the board.
They mean: Go finish the problem so I won't have to. Oh? You don't want to? Bonus! You get to be embarrassed in front of the whole class! Goody!

When they say: I'm busy after school.
They mean: I don't want to deal with annoying children when I could be home with my dogs.

When they say: I will not be here at lunch.
They mean: Ugh, I'm frustrated. I'm going to Arby's. Why did I become a teacher again?

Do you have teachers who only speak Subtext?

Related Post: What Teachers Shouldn't Do During Tests

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