Rejected Video SparkNotes

We're proud of our new 1984 Video SparkNote, especially considering there were a lot of Video SparkNotes that didn't make the cut. One rejected series was Math Video SparkNotes, a collection that would have included the following:

American Pi

Four old-looking teenage guys and one raspy bleach blonde who will later host a show in her bathing suit on the E! Network set out to find the last digit of Pi before high school graduation. The group's leader comes up with a foolproof plan to determine the fixed ratio of circumference to diameter after prom. While hanging out with their girlfriends, each guy except the leader realizes that it doesn't matter if he ever finds the last digit of Pi; the real fun is in the journey. The raspy blonde satisfies the leader by faking the last digit, and everyone goes to college happy.

Bringing Up Baby Exponents

A wealthy, beautiful, borderline crazy 7 goes to a party and falls madly in love with a reserved, logical -7. 7 tricks -7 into driving her home, and explains that, though she has never multiplied, she has a baby exponent. When another baby exponent goes missing from a nearby equation, authorities mistakenly believe 7 and -7 stole it, and throw the pair in brackets. Isolated with 7, -7 realizes he has feelings for her. The wacky comedy ends as both numbers admit that opposites really do attract.

Along Came Polynomials

Ben Stiller plays a senior in high school with a scholarship to a small liberal arts college, where he plans to major in journalism and English and date Debra Messing. When his high school student newspaper folds, Ben is forced to find other things to do with his time, and joins Math Club. Ben had always been terrified of math, but now finds it as inspiring and liberating as Jennifer Aniston's (unconvincing) boho-chic hair and (feigned) free spirit. The principal, played by Owen Wilson, or Luke Wilson if Owen's busy, announces that he has come up with funds to restart the student newspaper, and asks Ben to be the editor in chief. Ben realizes his destiny isn't writing after all, it's...omgwaitforit...math, and audiences close out of Video SparkNotes feeling cheated out of eight minutes.

The Texas Instruments Chainsaw Massacre

A pretty, down-to-earth calculator named TI-83 takes a summer road trip with her best friend and two guy calculators. It's hard to believe TI-83 and her best friend would really be best friends since the friend is covered in glittery stickers and never misses an opportunity to show off her huge parabolas. Incidentally, she's the first to malfunction when a pack of cannibal calculators gets their hands on the youthful road trippers. As TI-83 and the two guy calculators fight for their lives, TI-83 realizes she's in love with one of the guys. She makes the mistake of showing him her upside down 59009's, and let's just say our poor protagonist ends up losing more than her innocence.

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