It's Frrrrriday, Sparklers, and you know what means: Much-needed hours of movie watching, french fry gobbling, and SparkLife reading are ahead of you. Phew!
Even if you're reading this Sunday night, you still have something to look forward to—Dan Bergstein's Facebook chat next Thursday! RSVP and read details on the Facebook invite!
This week was particularly spectacular thanks to all of you Sparklers who shared your most horrifying moments.
Best Humiliation Story Awards (there were so many funny ones, it was hard to choose!) go to...
Kezzie101 for...
I remember falling off the Jungle Gym and wetting myself... and not in first grade, or second... I was in fifth grade. 
Mercifully, my high school record was mostly shame-free
...Glatisant for...
The other time would be in eighth grade at Regional Choir Contest for solos and ensembles. I was sitting on the first riser, talking to a bunch of friends, when my teacher says "Hey, Sarah? Want to go next?" I'd been really prepared for my solo, so I kind of threw my arms up into the air really casual-like and said "Sure, why not?" Then I stood up, tripped over my own feet, and fell off the riser into the piano. In front of my choir, part of two other school's choirs, a handful of parents, my choir director, and my judge. The kids and my parents laughed, and the director, who was sitting at the piano, smiled. I wasn't too embarrassed about this part, since I had fallen UP the stairs the week before in a situation much like that scenario one without the crush, and that was more embarrassing than falling off the risers. What was embarrassing was the judge, who leaped out of her chair and said "OH MY GOODNESS, CHILD, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?" Which made me turn bright red and made everyone else laugh harder. I stood up straighter and dusted myself off to hide my face, while my director said, "You don't know Sarah. She does this all the time."
...barnbum4life for...
One time i was sitting backwards in a chair, you know, straddling it? and my pants got stuck in the chair. on the inner knee. and the fire alarm went off, and it was either take my pants off or take the chair outside with me...i took the chair.
...Lulimon for...
We used to have these stupid sort of dresses back when I was in elementary school. Most girls wore shorts under them, but I couldn't because my shorts were kind of long and when I rolled them to make them shorter it showed under the dress.
So, one day (in 5th grade) we had this presentation on something I can't even remember and my group mates were nervous and we kept moving around. This one poster board we had was propped against the whiteboard but it kept falling. I was lucky enough to catch it once, but then I was not immediately next to it when I saw it fall again. I tried to move towards the poster swiftly when I saw it beginning to fall, but I tripped and went a little distance as my dress rode up to my belly and the whole class saw my granny-style undies. As if it wasn't enough of a failure, the poster fell on my head when I was getting up.
...june5678 for...
You know that nightmare where you're at school and you're suddenly in your undergarments and the whole student population is watching? I LIVED THAT IN SECOND GRADE! I went to a school with uniforms and for gym class, the girls would just take off their jumpers if they had shorts on underneath. I forgot I had no shorts. Off comes the jumper, and in comes the whole rest of the school from recess. I was deathly shy child and in my blind panic I tried to pull my jumper back on...over my shoes. So I was rolling around on the floor, sobbing, tryig in vain to untangle my uniform, and kids were pointing and laughing. Finally I was fully clothed and still crying. What did my gym teacher do? She shouted, "Get over it!!". I cried for a couple more hours (one kid did apologize to me for laughing though). It was so traumatic I didn't tell my best friends until last year (I'm a senior in high school now, wow I just realized this happened a decade ago...). But the good news is I can laugh about it now!! huzzah!!
ohhhh I didn't know our school was having fire drills, so I came in late, and when the buzzer went off, I got up screaming 'THERE IS AN EFFING FIRE EVERYONE RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN'. Everyone bursted out laughing and i served a weeks detention for swearing :/
...purple_mango for...
This actually happened quite recently. I was on the phone with this guy I have been crushing on for about two years now, and we were doing math homework. I had put the phone on speakerphone so that I could work while talking, and then my best friend came in. I totally forgot about the phone still being on, so I said to her- LOUDLY, may I add- "I WAS TALKING TO HIM! OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE CALLED! God, I love him." The moment she pointed out that my phone was on.... well, incurable mortification is an understatement.
...finebelikethat for...
When I was seven, I got my arm stuck in a cupholder at a movie theater. It was stuck enough we had to get management, who brilliantly started unscrewing the arm from the rest of the chair. Luckily, my dad got popcorn butter and my arm slipped right out... Now our movie theater cupholders have bottoms so you can't do that anymore.
...KindRegards for...
Well... My fail was i was talking to my crush in class. We both had to go up to the board and write something... I tripped and fell, face planting the floor right after my nose had gotten wedged on the back pocket of his jeans.. I didn't even get the problem right.. And he asked for his number back...
i do the morning announcements in my school.
i managed to NOT turn off the PA system afterwards one morning and proceded to sing the dora the expolorer theme song. the entire school heard.
...SlushiSushi for...
Last year, I was in a study hall that literally had about half of my school in it. (I go to a small private school.)
And we had this rickety old-fashioned folding desks from a million years ago, the kind with like a half of a desk attached to the chair and curving around. Also, this study hall was in the lecture hall which is made up of large, wide steps leading down to the boards.
So everybodys sitting around talking and I walk in and sit down. And as soon as I put any weight on my chair, the desk collapses under me, and forms a sort of sled and slides ALL the way until I crash into the wall on the other side of the room at the bottom of the steps and my stuff goes flying everywhere at the same time.
I didnt even know what was happening until I hit the bottom, looked up and saw the whole class staring at me in silence for a couple seconds. Then they burst out into laughter. I wanted to curl up and die. o_O Did I mention i was freshman then?
...and Woktaker for...
I was a new student, and at the end of the first week of school, we had to give an oral report about what we had done over the summer. I was still depressed about moving, and every time I practiced my report in the mirror I started crying. So, to lighten the mood of my report, I decided to include a joke in it. When it was my turn to speak, I got up, said my introduction and my joke. No one laughed. I didn't think they knew it was a joke, so, to clue them in, I started laughing. No one laughed. Unfortunately, by this point I was about 4 minutes into the allotted five minute reporting time, and I could not stop laughing. I was just standing at the front of the room, laughing. No one laughed. They did however laugh, when my hysterical laughing led me to erupt in the largest snort ever. I decided to attempt to walk gracefully back to my seat, and when passing my teacher, ask if it would be possible to redo my report. When I bent down to talk to my teacher, I was off balance, came crashing down on her desk, causing her coffee to splash up and cover the both of us. While falling, I tried to catch my self by grabbing a desk, which then tipped over on top of me, giving me a bloody nose. I stood up and dusted myself off, and walked to my desk while trying to make myself as small as possible. By concentrating so hard on thinking up of possible shrinking techniques, I didn't notice that the coffee had spilled on the floor. I slipped on it, and face planted on "Bobby Handsome's" desk, successfully knocking out my last baby tooth. The bell rang and when leaving, my skirt, which had pockets, got caught on the door handle, pulling me back into the classroom and onto the floor. Oh how I wish I was making this up. Ironically, the rest of the day was the best first day of my life. The coffee stains and missing tooth were a great conversation starter.
Other L0L Points go to...
abby0912 for these haikus...
what do you mean by--
no life? how can that be true?
sparklife does not count?
procrastination
catch-22, you want to stop
you delay that too
...crazyjessie05 for this comment on the insomniac post...
I don't snore, however I have been known to talk in my sleep, which I think is far more interesting. Once on a school trip I sung humpty dumpty in my sleep, according to my friends.
...emMCie for this comment on Baby It's Cold Outside...
I used to live in Minnesota. It snows in SEPTEMBER.
Luckily I have this great Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt. It's like someone skinned a Beanie Baby and inserted it into my jacket!
It's heaven...in a sadistic way!
..Alice1292 for...
A friend of mine once tried to help an old lady cross the street...She wacked him in the head with her cane - it was hilarious! And then that same day, we dared another of my friends to help out the same lady when we realised she was walking ahead of us - she gave him five bucks and pinched his cheek - it was hilarious!
...MrsBergstein for her comment on this post...
I asked my friend if he was excited for Christmas and he said he was. When I asked him why, he replied, "I love the music." I love the kid to death but there is something seriously wrong with him.
...blinkychick369 for this comment on the Twilight Tie-Ins post...
I'm surprised no one has come out with Edward Cullen: Animal Blood Energy Drink! Drink It Now! Ditch that little human girl and get IMMORTAL BABES!
************AND NOW IN WOLF PACK EIEGHT PACK! GET RIPPED IN 30 DAYS!
...HolaHannah93 for this comment on the same post...
'Facebook: Making Edward's stalking of Bella much, much easier.'
...and erato_song for commenting on the Volvo commercial in the Twi-Ins Post...
Is it me, or does it sound like the narrator took a DEEP breath before saying "The Twilight Saga" as if he was saying something blasphemous? o.O
Nickname of the Week goes to jane_air
Not Cheating is Awesome Points go to Apple5074 for...
I used to sit next to a guy who cheated off of me, and I knew it. Not on every problem, but the hard ones. So I used my hair as a barrier while I worked on one really hard math problem. Once I had solved it, I erased my work. (I didn't need to show work for that particular test.) Then, I bubbled in what I knew was the wrong answer. I paused after I did it, letting him take a look at it. He bubbled the same one in, and since it was the last question, he got up and turned his in. While he was doing that, I erased it and put the right answer in. When we got our tests back, the look on his face was priceless when he saw that I had tricked him. He knew it, too. At least he was that smart. He never copied off of me again.
Halloween Costume Awards go to...
_tennismonkey_ for...
For halloween I'm making a shirt that says "COSTUME" on it...and thats all. I'll wear pants though! Haha
...to DanceWithMe807 for...
A bunch of friends and I dressed up as cereal mascots for a party last night. I was the silly Trix rabbit. SEVEN people asked me if I was the Playboy bunny. I was wearing long sleeves and sweat pants! People and their one track minds...
...and to Swish2Nickels for....
I wrapped my ankle and went to school on crutches, wearing a shirt that said "PUN". I was a lame pun...
Hilarious fill-in-the-blanks from Facebook Fans:
I don't know what's at the bottom fo my messy locker, but it's probably __________.
My __________ ate my homework.
Have a safe, un-humiliating weekend, everyone!
By: ~Emily~
Topics: Digital
Tags: the friday awards
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