This week's letter-writer thinks she can read my mind.
Dear Auntie Sparknotes,
So I have a love problem (nothing new for you this time). I have been having this fling type of thing with this guy. We have been really close and I like him a lot. But that's all we are: just a fling type thing.
Now, suddenly, this guy that I have liked since my freshman year (I'm now a senior) is asking around about me. We sort of have a small history (not actually together at any point but just flirting and such) so I know him pretty well but I have no idea what to do. He could actually be a boyfriend type of person and I've liked him for a while.
I know most likely you'll say go for the boyfriend but I'm really not sure. Can you help me please?? Thanks in advance!
Well, obviously you should go for the boyf—wait, you knew I was going to say that? Are you in my head? Are you some kind of witch?! GET YOUR WITCH-TENTACLES OUT OF MY BRAIN.
Er... well, actually, as a matter of fact, I am not going to tell you to go for the boyfriend. I am also not going to tell you to stick with the fling. Instead, I'm going to ask you: Why the big rush to a decision?
Fact is, one of the nicest things about that no-strings-attached fling of yours is that he's not your boyfriend—which means that you are one hundred percent free to spend a little time with the other guy and see where it goes. Because—and get ready for this, because Auntie SparkNotes is about to blow your mind—kissing more than one guy within the span of a week is not a crime.
Of course, it's a different story if you and your fling have any sort of an understanding about not seeing other people. In that case, you'll need to let him know a little sooner (say, after you've spent some solo time with Guy #2 and you know you want to pursue him) that you're “exploring the alternatives.” In any relationship, whether it's a fling-type thing or a boyfriend-type thing, you shouldn't lead the other person to believe that they're your one-and-only when they're one of two. Or three. Or five. (You dog, you.)
But in the meantime, there's nothing wrong with hanging out one-on-one with the new prospect and seeing whether sparks fly. And hey, they might not; even after three years of hallway flirting, there's no guarantee that you'll be an awesome couple. You might have totally different taste in music, or movie preferences, or opposite worldviews. I mean, he might be a Rush Limbaugh fan.
So, here's my advice: Let the other guy know you're interested. See what happens. The reason you don't know what to do right now is that you don't have enough information to make a decision, and that's okay—now's the time to figure out what you want. Just don't lie to anyone in the process, and you'll be fine.
Also, we all love a good romantic conundrum, so let us know how it goes!
In like? In love? In trouble? Get Auntie SparkNotes to weigh in by sending your questions to advice@sparknotes.com.
By: kat_rosenfield
Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, boyfriends, flings
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