If you’re a person, and you’re in high school, chances are you’ve embarrassed yourself before. In fact, you’re probably embarrassing yourself right now. As we at SparkNotes have suffered our fair share of shame and degradation, we can empathize. Below are some horrifyingly uncomfortable situations, along with one master plan to recover from all of them with grace, ease, and as few flesh wounds as possible.
Scenario 1: The Trip
You’re strutting down the hall, rockin’ your messenger bag and mentally reviewing for your Spanish quiz, when a stairwell pops out of nowhere and DECIMATES YOUR LIFE. You take a slow motion tumble down an entire flight, flailing about like a sumo wrestler in a pool full of Jell-o, and end up face-planted on a gum-covered landing, the contents of your bag strewn across the hall and vocabulary flashcards falling like snow upon your utterly ruined reputation. As you drag yourself to your knees, you look up and find yourself staring directly into the chiseled face of Bobby Handsome, your crush since the 2nd grade. He grimaces, shakes his godly head, and says to his friends, “Man, that chick just ate it BIG TIME.” He then steps over you and directly onto the sad little container of pea soup you packed for lunch. It explodes. So does your heart. You die.
Scenario 2: The Flub
You’re sitting in Geography, doodling “chelsea dagger is the bomb dot com” on the margins of your notebook, when Mr. Benson smacks his yardstick across your desk and demands that you sit up straight and name all seven continents. You smirk, lean back, and clear your throat like a confident son-of-a-gun. You then say “North America” twice. Everyone laughs uproariously. Mr. Benson calls you an amateur and a coward. He pays his student assistant three dollars to slash your tires after school, and the next day hangs a photograph of you in his classroom with a plaque that reads, “This Person Sucks. At Geography, and at Life.” When he sees you looking at it with tears running down your face, he claps you on the back and says, “WHAT NOW, PUNK?!? YOU NEED SOME ALOE FOR THAT BUURRRNN?” Then he high-fives himself, causing his coffee cup to shatter. Your heart shatters too. You die.
Scenario 3: The Epic Fail
You’re relaxing with your pals in the cafeteria when all of a sudden, Betty Gorgeous sits down next to you and smiles in your hyperventilating direction. She asks for your name, and you spin towards her, knocking your steaming cup of hot chocolate onto her crotch. She screams. You choke on your strawberry milkshake and desperately attempt to mop up the mess using peanut-butter-covered graham crackers. She screams more. Strawberry milkshake comes out your nose. Betty Gorgeous calls her lawyer father and sues you for all you’re worth (6 bucks and box of Capri Suns). Your spitty, snotty milkshake forms a soppy heart-shaped puddle on the floor. Your actual heart forms a matching puddle. You die.
Master Plan: Saving Face
There’s good news, Sparklers: if you’ve survived any of the above, the worst is over. All that dying stuff was just a hilarious, if incredibly accurate, metaphor. Once you’ve been completely and utterly humiliated, you really have nothing left to fear but fear itself. And the next day at school. And lawsuits. SO. Pick yourself up off the floor, wipe the milkshake off your chin, and adopt an attitude of positivity and good humor. Laugh at yourself, but not like a hysterical maniac. Grin sheepishly but confidently at mocking onlookers. As your merciless cross country coach always shouts into your ear: WALK IT OFF, CHAMP. Everyone has moments they wish they could erase or forget; the key is to EMBRACE the embarrassment. Soon enough, you’ll be cracking up at the memories of events that once seemed apocalyptic and disastrous.
Until that day comes, keep your chin up and your puddly little heart in a lock-box.
What's the most embarrassing thing that ever happened you at school? (We smell FRRRRIDAY AWARDS!)
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Topics: Life
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