I'm getting many, many theses, which is great! But some of them are hard for me to edit, because they're not far enough along yet. Editing or rewriting these half-formed theses would be like spreading tomato sauce on half-baked pizza dough (actually, that sounds delicious. I may need a new metaphor).
Today we look at three half-baked theses, with my comments in red.
For those just joining the fun, I'm reading the Twilight series for the first time, and writing about the experience on a chapter by chapter basis. Blogging Twilight and Blogging New Moon posts are collected here.
For this book, I'll be keeping a running tally of the number of times the author uses the words "glower" and "murmur."
Preface
Poor Bella Swan is once again in great peril, but luckily her "protector" is there to keep her safe in this flash-forward that is similar to the previous novels. I'll assume her protector is Edward, but I'm hoping that it's Emmett, Jacob, or a recently zombie-fied Harry Clearwater. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that Bella has not been transformed into a vampire yet, because why else would she act so weak? Of course, since becoming a vampire amplifies certain aspects of your personality, perhaps when she was transformed, her powers of weakness were boosted to the point where she cannot even yawn without breaking a rib. This section ends with, "Somewhere, far, far away in the cold forest, a wolf howled." Is there a chance that this book might be 100% awesome?
We recently received an email from Nelson, a student who has applied for early admission at the University of Georgia. He wanted to know if the following constitutes a good score:
For your amusement and edification, Jon is reading Lord of the Flies and blogging about it. A complete list of posts is here.
It's hard to come up with an image more placid than huts on a beach, so from the chapter title, you might guess everyone will soon kick back and drink lemonade or something. But wait—what if the huts are a metaphor for one side of an awesome conflict that will soon get all crazy? Because they are, and it will. But first, hide whatever pigs you might have lying around, because it's Jack o' Clock on LotF Island.
We admit: we kinda forgot. How were we supposed to know? Nobody talked about it this time. We don’t remember seeing any news coverage, and so when we woke up and saw the time on the microwave (which was five minutes before we were supposed to be at the farmers market picking out pork shoulders) we freaked out. And then when we saw the time on our cell phones, which changes automatically through invisible air waves that we cannot understand, we were greatly relieved.
On the off-chance you don't have them, let us explain: superlatives are those inane predictions or smoochy titles seniors confer on each other (through voting) before they graduate. If you have a really small graduating class, this may sound like a great idea, because almost everyone will get named something, and you'll get to go home knowing you at least had the Most Consistently Even Tan.
The larger the class, though, the less likely anyone is to actually get one, which makes the whole experience seem suspiciously negative. Some schools make up for this by adding even more superlatives, really specific ones, but the risk is that you still don't get Best Oboe Player even though you're the only oboe player, and you graduate feeling defeated, believing your dreams of oboe stardom now seem so tawdry. When this happens, you may feel like you got a non-award for being the worst.
Sparkler xXx_lola_xXx wrote a post for everyone seething silently about an irritating friend. Enjoy! —SparkNotes editors
We all have that one friend, the one who bugs the flamme out of us (pardon my french), but who we don't do anything about. She has her annoying habits, and now it has gone too far...
The Type: The Copycat
She copies your haircut, even though it doesn't suit her. She dresses like you, but doesn't pull it together because she never grooms herself properly. She crushes on your boyfriend, and when you two break up, she asks him out as soon as she hears. When he rejects her, she comes crying to you!
Our first foray into haiku inspired so many Sparklers to pick up their own quills and ponder the meaning of life (or bread bowls) that we decided to try again, this time with fall as our inspiration. We realize that we are playing fast and loose with this very venerable poetic form, so forgive us, English teachers, for making your eyes bleed.
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