Hey Sparklers, we've got a health alert for you! Did you wake up yesterday feeling jittery and out of sorts? Can you still taste Butterfingers on your breath? Is there shaving cream in your hair, egg under your fingernails, fake blood in your eyebrows, and a stray tail of toilet paper clinging tenaciously to your sneaker?
No, it's not swine flu; you've got a Halloween hangover.
Because life is brutally unfair, the wonderful mischief-making and mass sugar consumption of our favorite holiday have some unfortunate side effects—namely, waking up the next morning to a pile of candy wrappers and the sound of your parents shouting, “And not only are you grounded, mister, you are going to spend today reassembling all of those eggs by hand! And then, you are going to remove every last piece of toilet paper from Mr. Puttymouth's maple tree! And then, you are going to APOLOGIZE TO HIS CAT!”
But if you're facing down November with an epic Halloween hangover (and three months of rescinded TV privileges), don't fret; your SparkNotes editors have assembled a list of five ultra-wholesome activities that'll help balance out the karmic effects of all that debauchery in no time. Beginning with...
Share the bounty. Give half of your candy stash to your little brother... preferably the candy corn, Smarties, and other stuff you don't really like that much anyway.
Own up. Go to the houses you egged, and tell the residents that you know who did it...then give them the name of the kid who used to beat you up on the playground when you were ten. He's had this one coming for a good five years.
Do a good deed. Pick up Halloween-related litter from the gutters, or help an old lady to cross the street. If no old ladies are readily available, kidnap one from your local retirement home, then escort her safely back.
Eat right. After that candy binge, your body really needs nutrients...which you should obtain by eating an entire bucket of kale. Or at least, one of the candy bars that has peanuts in it. Protein!
Make amends. We don't seriously expect you to go door-to-door and lay claim to every piece of toilet paper...but dude, you really do need to apologize to that cat.
Are you suffering from a Halloween hangover? Can we have that Snickers bar? Have you apologized to that cat yet?! Tell us in the comments!
Related post: Blogging "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"
By: kat_rosenfield
Topics: Life
Tags: halloween
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