“Tweet or I'll Eat My Cat!” (and Other Bad Arguments for Getting Your Way)
If you've ever tried to convince your parents to let you do something verboten— say, staying out past curfew, or procrastinating on your English paper, or illegally breeding pygmy elephants in a petri dish under your bed —you probably know all about the Tools of Persuasion. You can argue; you can turn on the charm; you can whine endlessly; or, of course, you can throw a kicking, screaming, hair-pulling tantrum until the opposing party bows to your will. (Note: If the opposing party is your parents, this approach tends not to work.)
But even if you've occasionally resorted to tantrum-throwing in an effort to get your way, your SparkNotes editors are guessing there are certain lines that even you wouldn't cross.
Like, say, EATING YOUR OWN CAT.
Some of you may remember that Miley Cyrus closed her Twitter account earlier this year; now, a deranged Miley Cyrus fan has stated that if the teen pop idol doesn't return to tweeting, she'll kill and eat her cat, Fuzzy. She writes: “You could imagine how painfully shocking it was to learn that Miley will be quitting Twitter for ever... Fuzzy can make the ultimate sacrifice for this cause.” (The girl in question hasn't identified herself, but notes that she lives in a country where eating a cat isn't illegal. We're guessing it's the Democratic Republic of CRAZY.)
Your SparkNotes editors are hoping that this is some sort of (really bad) joke, but we'd also like to point out that eating a cat is not an effective tool of persuasion. In fact, if you're trying to get your way, you really should avoid...
Threatening to eat a cat.
Threatening to eat a dog.
Threatening to tell your mom.
Threatening to eat your mom.
Threatening to take your pants off in public.
Threatening to take someone else's pants off in public.
Threatening to eat a pair of pants.
Threatening to start a nuclear war.
Threatening poxes, plagues, or other forms of biological warfare.
Threatening to kidnap the opposing party's brother. (He might not like his brother very much.)
Threatening to sing the entire score from High School Musical.
Threatening to bring on the apocalypse. (You'll never be able to follow through.)
Would you eat a cat to get your way? Are you nuts?! Tell us in the comments.