Classic Poetry: Can You Hit On People With It?

For as long as we've been good enough with language to make poetry out of it, we've been using that poetry to hit on each other. For every landmark work about wars and tragedy, there's one about pretty ladies. And often the ones about wars and tragedies are inspired by pretty ladies. Poets can't help it; they're born with some Romance Gene, and they inevitably wind up writing about how in love they are, no matter how strangely they may do so.

* "The Bait"
** "He Wishes His Beloved Were Dead"
*** "The Flea"

The Renaissance is a full of this behavior. A big chunk of its poetry was just dudes experimenting with new ways to say, "Girl, you are so fine," like John Donne up there. In that spirit, here's some romantic verse, along with a verdict on whether you can repurpose each sentiment into a contemporary romantic proposition.

1.) Ben Jonson's "To the Same" (Celia)
The Verse:
Kiss again: no creature comes.
Kiss, and score up wealthy sums
On my lips, thus hardly sundered,
While you breathe. First give a hundred,
Then a thousand, then another
Hundred, then unto the other
Add a thousand, and so more (…)

Translated:
"There are no animals around or anything, so let's make out, 2200 times."

Usability as a Line:
Well, you'll at least win points for being straightforward.

2.) Shakespeare's Sonnet 130
The Verse:
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
(…)
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Translated:
It's 12 lines of "my lady's not all that hot" followed by "but she's awesome regardless." This is a complete 180 from what might be Bill's most famous sonnet ("Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?/ No, because thou art like a million times hotter, than everything, ever.") He's basically poking fun at both typical poetry and those goofy, poisonous Renaissance standards of beauty.

Usability as a Line:
You'd have to tread lightly. You cannot remark on how hot a girl is even without makeup, only to find that she is, in fact, wearing makeup. You might want to turn the sentiment into something mind-blowingly cheesy like "Oh, you're so much hotter than (relevant celebrity who was just mentioned), because you're you."

3.) Andrew Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress"
The Verse:
Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
(…) But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song (…)
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

Translated:
"How hot will you be when you're old, huh, or dead? Not very hot, probably! So get over here and let's do this thing while we're both young and sexy." (There's very little to add to this poignant insight. Thanks, Andrew Marvell!)

Usability as a Line:
None, unless you're just terrible.

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