How Not to Dance

Sparkler synchrogirl117 is hilarious. Hilarious and wise. Heed her great advice! —SparkNotes editors

Now that everyone has successfully (we can assume that, right? Did our suggestions work?) asked their crush to homecoming, we have a new incredible guide for you.

We have all seen those people at homecoming who think they can dance, right? But they are WRONG! Usually people who think they are good dancers are mistaken. And guess what? You could be one of those people. Scary, eh? To help you out, we've listed the top three ways of dancing that you should not attempt if you want to avoid awkward situations.

1. Slow Dancing

Slow dancing is fine. Really, it's okay. Actually, we recommend it if you brought a date. Here's a little something to keep in mind, though: a song must be slow if you're gonna slow dance.

At my homecoming last year, there was a couple who spent the entire night with their arms around each other. They simply adjusted the speed at which they swayed back and forth to fit the song. (Our DJ that year didn't have a diverse playlist, and every song was a rap song.)

THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY! You may not, under any circumstances, slow dance to Lady Gaga. No matter what.

2. Line Dancing

Line dances can be so dang complicated. If you accidentally skip the hops and go straight to the right grapevine, you will end up bowling over an entire line of sweaty, screaming students.  Trust me. You'd be surprised how many people mess up the Cha Cha Slide, which tells you what to do.  And don't even get me started on the Electric Slide...

3. Breakdancing

Don't even attempt this one. Only one in 78,392 Americans can actually do this.  You wanna impress your friend/crush?  Consider the following:

What you want to happen

(Crush says to random stranger): "Omigod. Look at Kenny! Where did he learn how to do that? Did you know he could do that?!?!

(Stranger scurries away. Girl continues talking to herself): "He's so sexy when he twirls around on the floor like that. Wow. I feel faint. I want to marry that boy. And have his children. Wow. KENNY I LOVE YOU! TEACH ME TO BREAKDANCE!!!"

What will actually happen

(Crush to friend): "Oh my. Is that Kenny? What the hell is he doing? What a loser. He is not as cool as he thinks he is. Why is he looking over here? Why is he smiling at me? Oh that's so creepy. Uh oh... KENNY! KENNY QUIT IT YOU IDIOT YOU'RE ABOUT TO—oh jeez. SOMEBODY CALL 911!"

She will not visit you in the hospital, or speak to you ever again, either. Sorry.

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Related Post: How to Ask a Girl to Homecoming