Auntie SparkNotes: Don't Be a Halloweenie

Today's letter-writer has a Halloween dilemma. (So do we: our Balloon Boy costume is proving hard to assemble.) Enjoy! —SparkNotes editors

This halloween I am being pulled in three different directions. There are three different groups of friends that I have that are all doing different things having different parties and such. And none of them are really friends with each other so I don't have a chance of them all getting together. Especially my boyfriend.

We recently had a fight about how we don't get to see each other much. I graduated last May and am four months older than him but I can't imagine not having him in my life. He feels the same way but I think he may be resentful of my friends because I get to see them whenever but I cannot see him. We live in different nearby towns, both go to school, and we both work so our schedules don't work out nicely together. And neither of us drive due to complications.. plus im not really good at driving. lol We usually see each other a few times a week but I understand that he wants to see me more and I feel more obligated to be with him on Halloween. Especially cuz I'm gonna be dressed up all cute.. buuut I'm thinkin it's kinda awkward being the only girl with a bunch of guys and the only one with a costume. And I coordinated my costume with my friends so I feel like I should be with them also but my boyfriend does not want to be with them he wants to be with his friends who are not really the most social people so they don't want to go to a party. then theres a whole other group of friends who I don't hangout with much anymore cuz they're kinda bad influences but they want me to go but I'm afraid what's going to go on there so I'm not planning on going to that one. And this could all be solved if I'd learned to drive a couple years earlier. Alas I don't have that option and I just need a different view.

Of course! Auntie SparkNotes is all about different points of view… but while on the surface this seems like a pretty simple problem, I keep going back and getting hung up on the mysterious “complications” that prevent you both from driving. Perhaps I’m imagining things, but the way you tossed that little tidbit out and then skimmed right over it seems a bit suspicious. Has someone’s license been suspended? Was there an accident? Are you unable to enter your car because some nefarious individual has filled it with lobsters?

Well, nevermind.

But before I get to your question, there's one other thing: Read back over your letter and take a good look at the way you talk about your boyfriend. You feel “obligated” to spend time with him; you “understand” that he wants to see you; you’re staying together because you can’t imagine life without him... but have you noticed that you don't seem all that enthused about life with him? (And eventually, staying in a relationship just 'cause you don't want to be alone starts to really blow.) Think about that. And as for the Halloween conundrum, this one's easy:

1. It goes without saying that you ought to stay away from the Trouble Crowd. Any group of people that skeezes you out should be avoided on principle.

2. You and your boyfriend clearly don't feel the same about the upcoming holiday. You dig Halloween and you're ready to party it up in costume, whereas he just wants to stay at home, non-costumed, and pick his nose. (Okay, okay, maybe not...but c'mon, everybody wants to pick their nose sometime.) And while compromise is important, Halloween only comes once a year; you shouldn't feel bad about celebrating it the way YOU want to. If your boyfriend wants to see you, he can suck it up and hang with your friends for one night.

3. The Official Handbook for Halloween Partygoing, Section III, Item Two, clearly states that those participating in a coordinated group costume must celebrate Halloween in the company of their co-costumers. (This is particularly important in the event that your costume does not make sense when viewed by itself—for instance, a couple dressed as Jon and Kate Gosselin are immediately recognizable when they arrive together, but if Kate wanders off, then Jon becomes just another random greasy dude with really terrible taste in shirts.)

So for the sake of your own happiness—and the Code of Costume Coherence—spend this Halloween with your friends.

And then, afterward, maybe you can spend a little time asking yourself why you're dating such a stick-in-the-mud.

Question for Auntie? Advice for our letter-writer? Leave your feedback in the comments, or email her at advice@sparknotes.com.