How Do You Raise Your Hand?

The way you raise your hand may reveal something about the way you approach life. So why not take a moment and analyze your hand-raising style?

1. Arm straight up, fingers together, sitting up straight, smiling

You are ready to answer the question before it emerges from the teacher’s mouth. This is good; it means you’re paying attention. It also means that if you’re on the swim team, you’ll have to be careful not to be that person who dives in before the gun goes off, who then has to paddle back to the blocks in shame while everybody else is watching and subtly shaking their heads. I bet you have a hard time sleeping in, don’t you? That’s okay. It’s not a good idea to sleep in anyway when you’re the future President of the United States.

2. Slouching a little, bent elbow, flopping hand

You’re an artist. As such, you don’t really believe in “right” or “wrong” answers…it’s all relative, depending on how you grew up and your religion (if any) and whether you’re right- or left-handed and a bunch of other things. You’re willing to participate in class, but to you the journey is more important than the destination. And for this reason you should probably never go on deep-woods hiking trips alone. You’ve seen Blair Witch, haven’t you? Yeah. All those kids were artists like you, and you see how that ended up. So if you do go hiking, make sure to team up with someone who brings a map, so you can just lean back and have your vision.

Also, did you forget to eat breakfast today? I bet if you ask that person with her arm straight up in the air, she could lend you one of the granola bars she keeps in the special designated granola bar zippered pocket in her backpack. Come to think of it, she’s busy answering the question, so you might as well unzip that thing and take it yourself. Then again, that would be stealing. So maybe you’d better not. See? You’re a sensitive thinker. Who knew all this was going on behind that mask of cool indifference? Whoops, you just got called on. What was the question again?

3. Arm at 90-degree angle, pointer finger up

You are here to point out the obvious. “Um, excuse me, but isn't it obvious that Reverend Dimmesdale being sort of a prick by pretending so long to be innocent and above it all while Hester, who he obviously still loved, had to go around wearing that scarlet letter and enduring the rejection and scorn of the sneering holier-than-thou townspersons?”

Yes. Yes, that is obvious, thank you for pointing that out. Honestly, I mean that. Sometimes it’s actually a relief to hear the obvious truth, and that is a service you, 90-degree-angle arm and finger-pointer, are ready to provide. In life you may either go on to become an investigative journalist, a lawyer, or a judge on American Idol.

4. Arm on desk, pointer finger raised

You know you should be participating, but you’re fully ready to let someone else do it, and raising your hand by not “really” raising your hand is a good way to let one of your classmates do the heavy lifting. There’s a good chance that about ten years ago you would have gone on to become a big cheese in the Financial District, working for Citibank or Lehman Brothers, but now…well, things are sort of up in the air now. But you’ll probably still make a good boss, so in a spare moment, maybe you could start sketching out a business plan in the margins of your essay on Early American Colonial Infectious Diseases, including lockjaw. What is the need in the marketplace right now? Heated bicycle seats? Contact lenses that make your iris invisible? Oh shoot, you got called on. How did that happen? The answer is Rubella. Yes! Fake it 'til you make it. And you are definitely making it.

5. Reyes (raising your hand with your eyes)

You will not stoop to raising your hand, begging to be called on. What do people think you are, a dog? If you have an answer that you want to share, your teacher should just see it in your face. You can’t be trained to do tricks. You’re not going to roll over and jump for biscuits just because the teacher wants to know what you think about the Fourth Amendment. The Fourth Amendment protects against unwarranted searches and seizures. That’s awesome. And you hope they mean it, because it would be really uncool if someone searched your pockets right now and found out what was in there. And no, it’s not drugs. It’s candy bars. Four of them. Two Snickers, a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and an Almond Joy. And no, you don’t have a problem. You’re just building up your tolerance for Halloween. Like how some people go to tanning beds before they go to California.

Now you’re called on and the answer is “Portugal.” Surprised everyone, didn’t you? I bet nobody even knew you were paying attention. What are you going to be when you grow up? Let’s put it this way: what aren’t you going to be?

Related Post: The Ice Cream Guide to Personality