Vampires are the “It” monster right now. In fact, they're so over-represented in pop culture that other, equally capable monsters are getting overlooked. Monsters who have talent and appeal, and are ready to sign six or seven-figure book deals, or star in their own major motion picture at a theater near you. The only question is what to do with them. And how they might get an agent.
Witches
Witches are the most versatile of the monsters, and continue to make periodic comebacks. There’s The Crucible, of course, The Witches of Eastwick, the good and bad witches in The Wizard of Oz, and then there was that Muppet witch in The Dark Crystal who could pop out her eye and hold it in her hand while it looked around by itself.
Witches are pretty well-represented, but they just don’t carry the star power of vampires. Why not? Maybe because they are sort of loners. Witches don’t need anyone, because if they want something they can just cast a spell and It Is Done. There's not a lot of opportunity for dramatic tension there. This is maybe also why they spend a lot of time alone in caves stirring a pot instead of getting out and meeting people, maybe adopting a stretch of highway or spearheading the annual fall block party. Necessity is the mother of invention, and witches don’t really need anything, so they tend to stay put. As do their careers.
Werewolves
Werewolves have done pretty well in the movies, if not literature, but are not very popular because they are hard to work with. One minute you’ve got a guy standing there running lines and getting into character, and the next thing you know there’s a big snarling dog running around drinking out of the toilet and demolishing the Craft Services food table. Werewolves are prisoners of their moods, which can make them very exciting, but a challenge for any director. Books…well, books are also a challenge to the werewolf because it’s hard to hold a pen or type on the computer when your hands turn into paws. When that happens there’s nothing you can do but wait it out, and werewolves are pretty impatient. The best they've been able to do so far is a couple of self-help pamphlets, and who can blame them?
But there is some potential here for the werewolf who is willing to work on his issues and do some deep-breathing exercises instead of automatically turning into a snarling cur when the clouds part to reveal a full moon.
Mummies
The main problem with mummies is their lack of sex appeal. Dead things wrapped in bandages do not trend hot at the box office. So why not start with a memoir, mummies? I Was an Egyptian Mummy and…(Oh Wait I Still Am). It’s a voice we don’t get to hear often in literature, and has the potential to be a big bestseller.
Zombies
Zombies aren't nearly as hopeless as the others, but they share mummies' lack of sex appeal. Unlike mummies, though, zombies have somehow overcome this to enjoy enormous commercial success dancing in Michael Jackson’s "Thriller" video, followed by those prisoners in the Philippines who learned the whole dance and put it on youtube. There's also Night of the Living Dead, from the classic slow-zombie tradition, and 28 Days Later, which introduced the terrifying fast-moving zombie.
Maybe Larry King could tackle this fast zombie/slow zombie dichotomy on his show, shake up a little public interest, and before you know it, a series of hot books featuring an incredulous doe-eyed teen in love with a mysterious stranger who wants to eat her brains will be more popular than Twilight.
It could work. You never know.
Related Post: The World's Coolest Villians
Post a comment!