How to Be Friends with an Introvert
What's in a name? A lot, if you get to choose it. Sparkler chessnerd89 has some wonderful tips on bonding with peers who aren't natural social butterflies. —SparkNotes editors
Do you have a million friends and love to socialize? Are you the person whose phone constantly beeps with texts and calls and messages? The one who always has something to do and someone to do it with? The one who actually tells people, "let me check my schedule!" Or, "If you want to hang out, you better ask me a month in advance because I’ll have to take off work, and I have this thing on the 5th and then I’m going away for a week"…?
I am not one of those people, but my best friend is. These are the things I wish she knew:
1. If you must drag us to a party, please don’t abandon us.
Don’t go rushing off to catch up with your other friends without including the introvert; the inny will die in a corner.
2. If they actually call and wants to talk, listen!
These moments may not come often, since Innies usually work out their problems within their own brains, but that does not mean they are all Bella Swan “suffer in silence” types.
3. Realize that they do want to be alone sometimes.
They may have gone to that party, and even enjoyed it, but they burn out faster than you and need time to recharge alone. The assumption that all introverts are shy really bugs me. This is not always the case. They can be charming, tell jokes, and generally be the life of the party…but for a limited time only.
4. Skip the small talk.
Introverts are reflective beings and enjoy conversations about feelings and debating things like the ontological argument, and whatever interests they have. They can only tolerate chitchat with people they just met or haven’t seen for awhile. If you must tell them your entire jam-packed weekend in detail, check your inny friend for signs of consciousness periodically.
5. Introverts don’t hate people.
They just find them tiring.
6. Introverts are socially aware.
Yes, we are well-versed in social nuances, customs, and mannerisms; we just don’t implement them as frequently as extroverts do.
Now that you're prepped, rush out and befriend us! No doubt we will be the best, most low-maintenance friends you will ever have.
Do you have introverted friends?
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