The Easiest Halloween Costumes Ever

All right, Sparklers: we’re rapidly approaching the only holiday that gives you a free pass to look completely and utterly ridiculous, and we want give you the tools to pull off that ridiculousness with swagger and verve. Below are 10 of the easiest costumes we could think of. The hardest part will be deciding which one (or eight) you want to use.

1. Ellen DeGeneres: Wear a sweater, a vest, or a button-up shirt, pull on some vaguely unflattering pants, and DO NOT STOP DANCING ALL NIGHT. If possible, hire a DJ and a gigantic crowd of people—the former to follow you around blasting “Play that Funky Music, White Boy" and the latter to clap, shimmy, and vocally praise the greatness of your hip thrusts.

2. The 2nd Amendment: There are two ways to go about this, and both of them are so brilliant they should be declared unconstitutional (feel free to borrow that joke and use it to impress and appall your friends). First, take a plain white T-shirt and write “The 2nd Amendment” on it with a Sharpie, a crayon, or human blood from Tuesday’s ritual sacrifice. Next, rip the sleeves off the shirt and show off your “guns,” OR, cover your arms in fleece/fur and wear fuzzy mittens with claws attached. The Right to “Bear” Arms—get it?

3. A Newspaper: Get a newspaper. Tape it to your shirt. Done.

4. Any Adjective You Can Think Of: Wanna be “Irresistible”? Wrap your entire body in double-sided tape and nonchalantly bump into attractive strangers. Bonus: this costume also covers the adjective “Sticky.”

5. Angst-Ridden Teenager: Roll your eyes whenever anyone speak to you, frantically scribble bad poetry into a tiny notebook, heave exasperated sighs at the mention of your name, and answer every question with “whatever” or “bite me.” When the occasion calls for it (and especially when it doesn’t), say “GAWD, THIS SUCKS. I HATE EVERYTHING SO MUCH!” loud enough to shatter eardrums.

6. That Adorable Kid from Where the Wild Things Are: Run away from home, but not before you craft some cute animal ears out of construction paper and tape. Tell everyone you meet that you ate your family, and then pout in an extravagantly lovable manner about having the worst home life imaginable. Howl. A lot.

7. Harry Potter in an Invisibility Cloak: Place a pair of shoes in the corner at your friend’s Halloween party. Return home. When your friend asks why you weren’t at her little shindig, just say: “I was wearing my invisibility cloak. Didn’t you see me standing in the corner?” The only downside to this costume is that you have to skip all the parties you’re invited to. But we think it’ll be worth it. Maybe.

8. A Kleptomaniac: Perfect a look that projects just the right mix of “nervous” and “greedy.” Casually slip small household objects into the pockets of your conspicuous trench coat. At the end of the night, get caught hauling a ping-pong table out the back door, and reveal that you’ve also stolen most of the silverware, nine rolls of toilet paper, and Benny’s pet goldfish, Dito.

9. A Bed Sheet: This is a brilliant twist on that stand-by classic, the “Bed Sheet Ghost.” You know, the one where you cut two holes into a white sheet and walk around reppin’ Casper all night? Well, we removed the element of acting, and creativity. If you want to get crazy and spice things up, go as a Pillowcase.

10. “Your Mom”: Go for the gold in something outlandish, skanky, and horrifying. Whenever anyone asks what you’re supposed to be, smirk and raise an eyebrow, then drawl, “Your mom.” You might get punched in the throat, but hey, what’s Halloween without a a few friendly fist fights, right?

Now go forth and astound the masses. It’s Halloween, the most wonderful time of the year!

Related Post: Four Types of Cool Halloween Costumes