Auntie SparkNotes: The Unattainable Crush (or, Jack Ryan Will Emotionally Cripple You)

We're almost done with this week's advice-giving marathon! Today, a classic romantic conundrum:

Okay. So I have just started my freshmen year of high school, so there are a lot of new guys around. There's this one who I have taken a bit of a fancy to. He is really cute, and nice, and smart, and makes me write run on sentences. However, I am not the first girl to notice this, and he has a record for being "unattainable."

We also hang out with very different groups, him with the popular group that went to his middle school, me with the nerd group that went to mine. Also, we have pretty much nothing together, except for homeroom, where I met him. Problem is, in my school we have homeroom for 15 minutes once a month. Now, other guys I have liked weren't very girl-smart, so I could be pretty forward and they probably wouldn't even register that I might like them. However, this guy seems to actually have a clue. I tried to talk to him a few times, and i think I seemed fairly obvious, because my excuse to talk to him was pretty flimsy. At the moment it is seeming pretty hopeless, so of courser I turn to sparklife to give me hope. Any advice? How should I find an excuse to talk to him and not seem like a loser? I don't want to become that stupid teen-girl cliche of "Nerd girl likes popular boy who doesn't know she exists." Help please!

Advice? To start, rent the John Hughes classic Sixteen Candles and realize that there’s a reason why “nerd girl/boy likes popular boy/girl” is such a pervasive cliché—in the catalog of perennial dating dilemmas, the Unattainable Crush is an enduring classic. (Warning: Repeated viewing of Sixteen Candles may result in permanent emotional damage once you realize that Jake Ryan does not actually exist. In fact, you might want to just rent Die Hard With a Vengeance instead, and save yourself the pain.)

But real-life Unattainable Crushes, sadly, aren’t much fun. Trying to get noticed by the guy (or girl) everybody wants can really make you feel like a desperate groupie, and as you’ve discovered, “finding excuses” to talk to him has a tendency to look like… well, like you’ve found an excuse to talk to him. Eh. So, before we send you back into the crush-pursuing trenches, let me ask you this:

Is this guy really worth it? Obviously he's is super-appealing, but there’s a red flag in his “record for being unattainable”; most Unattainable Crushes are unattainable for a reason, and it’s usually not good. So do me a favor, and just check whether your crush has his rep for one of these reasons:

1. He’s a player. Some guys (or girls) can’t stomach the idea of dating or relationshipping; they just like to chase tail. (If that’s the case with this guy, he probably also has a reputation for having lots of non-significant flings, but never a girlfriend.) And while you can hope that you might be the one who makes him want to settle down, it’s probably not worth the effort.
2. He’s gay. It might sound ridiculous, but if this guy’s reputation comes courtesy of the fact that he doesn’t date, hook up, or interact romantically with girls at all, it might be because he doesn’t like them—any of them.
3. He’s bought into his own hype. He might be hot, smart, and funny, but if he thinks these things make him too good for 99.9% of the human race, he’s also a nightmare waiting to happen.

If none of these sound like him, then it’s time to bite the bullet and try one of the following:

Option 1: Old-School Bravery
Look for any bridge between your group and his group. You’re a nerd and he’s a pop, but unless your HS social structure is as rigid as the Indian caste system, there’s got to be the potential for overlap somewhere. (Extracurriculars you could both join? Mutual friends who can bring you together? A shared love of football spectatorship that places you just a row away from him in the stands?) Then, be brave: Ask if he wants to work together on that project, go see your mutual friend’s art show, or...whatever.

Option 2: Technology Is Your Friend
If you guys have no classes, no extracurriculars, and no friends-of-friends in common, Facebook is where it's at. Friend him, and initiate a conversation. Commenting on a photo or wall post is a good way to start (but it’s also a good way to look really creepy, so don’t go overboard. Once or twice is enough.) If he responds, continue the convo by messaging him directly, then ask whether he wants to get together sometime. (Note: To avoid the aforementioned creepiness, if he doesn’t respond, you’ll have to let it go.)

Obviously, either one of these requires a fair amount of bravery and rejection-risking—there’s no way around it. But if he’s not romantically interested, you’re better off knowing it now, so you can focus your attentions elsewhere. Let us know how it goes!

Have you ever survived an Unattainable Crush? Want Auntie SparkNotes to tackle your dilemma? Leave us a comment, or email your question to advice@sparknotes.com.