Because we hate censorship, we love Banned Books Week. But it occurs to us that if we were in a devious and anti-First-Amendment mood, we could use Banned Books Week as a way to get more books banned, particularly those books that make our teeth itch and our blood boil.
How would you convince your teacher, the PTA, and the school board to get rid of a book? Simple. Just use the old "everybody's doing it" reasoning. Find another book that was recently banned (or challenged, or suppressed, or whatever) and use that as a reason to ban a similar book.
To help you out, we've come up with a few sample excuses.
You don't want to read: Othello (Shakespeare)
The banned book that will help you: Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck). A school in Kansas City, Kansas tried to ban this Steinbeck classic because of "racial language."
The connection: It's not hard to make the case that Iago uses similarly inflammatory "racial language." Say goodbye to a challenging and upsetting Shakespeare play!
You don't want to read: Romeo and Juliet (Shakespeare again)
The banned book that will help you: The Freedom Writers Diary (Erin Gruwell). A teacher in Indiana was suspended for assigning this book, which included swearing. The Freedom Writers Diary was also made into a movie with Oscar-winning actress Hilary Swank.
The connection: All books that have been made into movies starring Oscar-winning actors or actresses MUST be banned. Thank Leonardo DiCaprio for getting Romeo and Juliet removed from your syllabus.
You don't want to read: Any book that involves war, like The Illiad (Homer), Catch 22 (Heller) or A Farewell to Arms (Hemingway)
The banned book that will help you: Black Hawk Down: A Story of Modern War (Mark Bowden). This book was banned in Lafourche Parish, Louisiana after a parent complained about its profanity.
The connection: It's pretty safe to argue that the profanity in Black Hawk Down was a result of the wartime setting. Therefore, all books that take place during a war should be banned. Done and done.
You don't want to read: Lord of the Flies (Golding)
The banned book that will help you: The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini). A high school in Champaign, Illinois banned this bestseller because of a brutal scene involving one of the book's lead characters, a young boy.
The connection: Lord of the Flies is filled with young boys. And isn't "brutal" the perfect word to describe the scene in which Piggy gets killed? Yeah, your school board will think so too.
You don't want to read: Brave New World (Huxley)
The banned book that will help you: The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky). This novel chronicling the freshman year of an awkward teen was banned in Portage, Indiana for addressing topics like homosexuality, drug use, and sexual behavior.
The connection: Soma, anyone? Yeah, this one's in the bag.
Would you ever really try to get a book banned? Or would you just like to see it disappear from your syllabus?
Related Post: Welcome to Banned Book Week!
By: Katie_Rolnick
Topics: Books
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