Better Texting Language

To further help you in your quest to become a Master of Text (which is sort of like being the Harry Potter of the wizarding world, only way better), we did some online research and found this site, which has every text abbreviation ever used, and some that we're pretty sure don’t really exist.

The best ones appear below, with our helpful commentary on how to use them to your greatest advantage.

ALOL: “Actually Laughing Out Loud.” It is of the utmost importance that you only use this when you absolutely mean it. If you aren’t really and truly laughing in a volume audible to others, stick with LOL, or risk being seen as an insincere exaggerator. And remember, people can sue you for exaggerating. Do you want to go to jail? I didn’t think so.

BFFLNMW: “Best Friends For Life No Matter What.” This is far superior to BFF or BFFL for one obvious reason: it has more words tacked onto the end. Want to prove you really mean it? Try something like “BFFLNMWEIOOUPYJMTSABTDPSWITTCA,” or “Best Friends for Life No Matter What Even If One of Us, Probably You, Jeremy, Moves To Siberia and Becomes the Deadliest Professional Seal Wrestler in the Tri-County Area.” Oh yeah. You just became the best friend EVER.

VSF: “Very Sad Face.” This is ideal for those of you who don’t want to show too much emotion. Why use a “:(“ when you can present a strong, united front of non-frowning letters? You’re a lockbox of feelings, buddy. Congrats.

WISP: “Winning Is So Pleasurable.” Why say “BOO-YAH!” or “In your face, suckkerrr!” when you can behave like a civilized human being? I mean, we’re not animals, here, right? Now go put on your tuxedo and meet me on the lawn for tea and croquet.

YYSSW: “Yeah, Yeah, Sure, Sure, Whatever.” Put simply: this text is GENIUS. Unless you want to come off as a witty, intelligent person fully capable of formulating a thought or making a decision.

DILLIGAS: “Do I Look Like I Give A Sugar?” This is perfect for just about every situation I can think of. An attractive stranger invites you to lunch? Use it to seem seductively mysterious. Dad wants you to mow the lawn? Send it to make a point about your political stance on yard work. Batman needs your help to stop an impending nuclear robot attack? Text that loser.

But then strap on your crime-fighting boots, because it’s time to kick some robot ass.

Related Post: How To Be the Best Texter EVER