What Your Seat Says About You

Say it’s your first day of class. You’re the first one in your classroom, so you have your pick of seats. Which one do you choose? Your selection says a lot about you and what your future might hold.

If you sit...

Front row, center

You are...

The student who is here to learn. You know that school is your job, and you are not going to let anything get in the way of working hard. Any foolishness that’s going to happen can take place behind you, because that’s where those kids who are not paying attention are going to end up—eating your dust. From front and center you can pretend that you are the only one in the classroom, that your teacher is speaking to you and only you. This will also ensure that you stay awake, because as everybody knows, it’s rude to fall asleep while in a one-on-one conversation. Some other kids might resent your attentiveness, but later they will be begging you for your notes.

If you sit...

Front row, off to the side

You are...

The student who is serious about school, yet who occasionally fantasizes about crawling out the window, scaling down the side of the building, and running away. Later in life you will become the person who says, “I’m just resting my eyes” while clearly taking a nap. You are likely an A-minus student. You know you are just as smart as the person who is sitting front and center, maybe smarter, most likely a lot smarter, but unlike that other person, you don’t feel the need to show off. While at restaurants you usually order the item that is a little less expensive than the meal you actually want. Your hair probably needs a trim, but you’re going to just let it go a little longer and see what happens.

If you sit...

In the seat closest to the door

You are...

The student with commitment issues. You may also be the student who never takes off his coat all winter long. You probably have a job at a coffee shop so that you can afford to buy a car so you can go someplace cool.

If you sit...

Close to the seats your friends have already chosen

You are...

Well, let's just say there’s a book out there I’d like you to read, and it’s called “Codependent No More.” If you don’t want to read it now, just remember it for later, when you’re looking for some reading material to supplement what you’re learning in your therapist’s office. You may be the person whose house everybody goes to on the weekends because you have a finished basement and a lot of movies. You’re probably the happiest person in the classroom. And you are laid back enough to believe that C+ is actually not that bad of a grade.

If you sit...

Somewhere in the middle, or whatever’s left, you don’t care

You are...

Having a bit of an identity crisis. You're probably taking part in too many activities—band, basketball, debate, science decathalon, tennis, drama, and school newspaper. This looks good on a resume, but over time you may start to feel like a big box retail store—you've got anything and everything, but the quality is only so-so. It may be time for you to make some choices. Starting with where you would like to sit. Go ahead. Go with your first instinct. Don’t think about it too much.

If you sit...

As far back as you can get

You are...

Disgruntled. “You don’t know me” is the unspoken message of the student sitting in the back of the class, possibly half asleep, possibly with black nail polish or a leather jacket or both. If you habitually sit in the farthest row back, chances are you feel the teacher should feel grateful that you showed up at all, given the night you had last night. You probably do just enough work to get by, because to you, street smarts are more important than book smarts. In 20 years at your class reunion you will be the multibillionaire who invented that thing that everybody needed but didn’t know they needed until you invented it. And you will have the pleasure of explaining it to the classmate who currently sits front and center.

If you sit...

Wherever the alphabet places you

You are...

At the mercy of fate. I hope the people whose last names start with the same letter as yours are really good people, because you will be stuck with them for four years. Enjoy.

If you sit...

In a circle

You are...

Either in English or drama class. This arrangement is completely democratic and therefore alternately terrific and infuriating.

Now everybody sit down and let’s start class!

Related Post: True Confessions of a High School Kid: Trapped in Chair Prison