I have some bad news for you, Sparklers. Summer is over. I just shoved my Garfield beach towel into the deepest recesses of the closet, knowing I won’t need it again for months. (Unless I run out of regular bath towels, of course.) And a more disturbing sign is that my tan—once luxurious and perfect for disguising random blemishes—has started to fade. But except for my abiding love for Civil War reenactments, I’m not one to live in the past. That’s why I’m hurtling into autumn headlong and at great speed, eager to toss handfuls of fallen leaves into the crisp air while sporting a new flannel shirt. Unfortunately, it’s still quite warm here in the Newest of York Cities, and the leaves are still green and attached. So while I’m waiting for things to cool down and for lumberjack shirts to become fashionable again, let's see what's troubling you during this transitional time of year.
Alright so I know that summer literally just ended, but I'm already trying to figure out plans for next summer. I need something to really stick out on my college application, so I've found two programs. The first program is at Georgetown University and it's a journalism program, the second is a community service trip to Fiji. My parents said I can't do both, but I really have no clue which one to choose. My mom is trying to persuade me to go to the journalism program at Georgetown, but to me Fiji would just be so amazing. I really want to do something different and exciting, I want to learn about different cultures and meet new people and I feel like Fiji might give me that experience. But, on the other hand, I love journalism and would love to learn more about it and I would get an idea of what college would be like. Cultures and diversity fascinates me, but my parents don't understand it at all. I really just don't want to end up like them, not that they're bad people or anything it's just their lives seem so boring to me. I just really want to see and experience new and amazing things, bottom line I really want to get out of this suburb! So which program do you think I should choose?
This is an easy one—Fiji all the way! I mean look at these pictures! First of all, you’re probably not going to have too many opportunities to go to Fiji, but chances are you’ll swing through Washington, D.C. a few times in your life. Secondly, while getting some journalistic training under your belt would be nice, you could just as well hone your reporting and writing in Fiji by turning your experience there into a series of articles. Third, if you’re already planning to go to college, you should do something now that will be totally unlike college. You’ll have four years to live in a charmless dorm and eat undercooked cafeteria food. Going to Fiji sounds like it may be a once-in-a-lifetime chance, so I encourage you to take full advantage.
I have this friend and she’s a bit, how do I put this nicely... loose. I've tried to talk to her about this and tell her that her behavior is going to lead to something worse, like an STD or pregnancy. Every time I tell her this, she replies with "I'm just having fun." Since when is having sex with random guys and getting wasted considered fun? She always tells me I don't understand because I don't drink and I'm a virgin and she always promises that she’s not going to continue her behavior. Quite frankly I'm getting really sick of her behavior and I'm questioning our friendship. It's gotten to the point where I'm embarrassed to be around her and seen with her at school. Our teachers even know about her behavior and they know this story of her having sex with four guys in one night. One teacher wouldn't even let her into Student Senate because of it. She has not respect for herself and her body and she doesn't understand my choice to abstain from sex, drinking, and drugs. Am I being judgmental? Should I try to help her with her problems? Should I cut off ties or salvage our friendship?
I am glad you are concerned for your friend. While a little sexual experimentation is natural, it sounds like your friend is trying to break some kind of record. And so let me tackle your questions one at a time. Are you being judgmental? Yes, but everyone is allowed to be judgmental from time to time. It’s also known as “having an opinion,” and it’s part of being human. Should you try to help her with her problems? If you feel like she needs help and she wants help, then yes. How to help her is another story—it sounds like she may need to talk to a counselor or therapist, so you may want to point her in that direction. In any case, you need to be sensitive to her feelings, and don’t straight up tell her what to do. Remember that while you may not approve of her actions, it’s her life and only she should decide how to live it. Should you cut off ties or try to salvage? I would give salvaging one more shot. You’ve gone so far as to write to me about it, so this relationship obviously means something to you. Plan some time to talk seriously, and make sure she knows that you are truly concerned about her health and wellbeing. If that doesn’t work and you are still frustrated, I think it would be acceptable to end your friendship, or at least distance yourself from her.
So yeah, this is kinda weird to me cause I'm a dude I guess, but I thought that maybe you could help me. I'm a junior in high school and I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed, nothing. The reason is that I used to feel really self-conscious because I had bad teeth. I got braces about a year ago and have become less self-conscious. There are a couple girls I like but none of them have really showed any interest, except as friends. This whole thing has led me to be fairly depressed. I just don't know what to do and was hoping you could give me some advice.
Well, I’m a dude too, and it’s not that weird to me. Let me tell you that I didn’t exactly do a lot of kissing or dating in high school either, and my braces were off long before I got there. Some people just jump into that whole romance scene later than others, and while it can be frustrating at the time, there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. Be patient and throw your energy into your other interests. If you need a plan of attack, I recommend that you be proud of those new excellent choppers and put yourself out there. And by put yourself out there, this is what I mean: Hang out with your friends. Go to the mall and don’t buy anything. Hit the movies on a Friday night—the late show. Make eye contact with girls you’ve never met before. Say “What’s up?” to random people in the hallway. Raise your hand in class and then answer in a Scottish accent. Buy a Wii and invite people over to play it. Plan some Halloween high jinks. Start playing an instrument. I imagine that you’ve been a shy and quiet wallflower type like myself, so people (girls) probably won’t be used to you being all super-cool and available for crushing. So it may take a few days for them to notice. But don’t worry, they will.
Your first post says you'll answer questions about rock ‘n' roll, so my question is: What are some awesome rock bands that I've probably never heard of? Yes, there's a music column on SparkLife, but I want some recommendations from you!
Absolutely. I’m always prepared to tell people what they should be listening to, especially if it gives me the chance to talk about my favorite Japanese recording ensemble, Sausage Butterfly Pasta Festa. Read on for some other suggestions.
Mars Accelerator: Seattle band that bloomed in the late ‘90s. Recommended if you like Radiohead, Built to Spill, and Polvo.
Album to get: “Frankfurt: Telephonics”
Pomegranates: New band out of Cincinnati, Ohio. They have an excellent and slightly skewed pop sound.
Album to get: “Everybody, Come Outside!”
Hefner: East London three-piece that broke up in 2002. They wrote songs about the ridiculousness of relationships.
Album to get: “Breaking God’s Heart”
The Clean: Jangly and propulsive rock music from New Zealand.
Album to get: “The Clean: Compilation”
Wolves in the Throne Room: Dark, ambient heavy metal from the Pacific Northwest.
Album to get: “Diadem of 12 Stars”
Television: Before there was TV on the Radio, there was just Television.
Album to get: “Marquee Moon”
The Monks: Five American GIs formed The Monks while stationed in Germany in the ‘60s. They dressed like—you guessed it—monks and played fierce garage rock.
Album to get: “It’s Monk Time”
Les Savy Fav: Crazy art rock from Brooklyn.
Album to get: “Go Forth”
The Stone Roses: Highly acclaimed British band that showed incredible promise, then broke up after their second album.
Album to get: “The Stone Roses”
Exploding Hearts: Punk rock music from Portland, Oregon. Sadly, three of the members died in a touring van accident in 2003.
Album to get: “Guitar Romantic”
Lungfish: Baltimorean post-hardcore band known for their mesmerizing clouds of droning guitar and cryptic lyrics.
Album to get: “Love Is Love”
This is the biggest wonder in the universe for me: How do you tell if a guy likes you, or is just being nice to you? I wouldn't be able to notice a guy flirting with me even if my life depended on it.
Oh, how I wish I had the answer to this question, as I imagine that it's the biggest wonder in the universe for a lot of people. The answer is that you can’t tell. Even if a guy tells you he likes you, you should still be suspicious, because, well, he might not actually like you. He might like you as a friend, or, who knows, he might even like your friend. Of course, the same applies to guys: there’s no way to tell if girls actually like them. Even if a girl gets a tattoo of a guy's name on her deltoid, she could can easily get the words “I don’t like” tattooed above it a few weeks later. If anyone has any insight, let us know!
I love giving people advice. Plus, I want to make something awesome and influential so that 1) I make something awesome and influential and 2) I look good to colleges. I heard about this one guy who had awesome grades and extracurricular activities, and made a monthly witty little newspaper and circulated it around the school... and he went to HARVARD!!! My DREAM is to make it to Harvard or Stanford or any other really good college. And I thought, make an advice column! I plan to advise people on anything in school and outside school, and circulate it around the school. I also want to be incognito, just like that gossip person in Gossip Girl (the book), although she gossips instead of helping people... ANYWAYS, I see that your advice blogs are really awesome, and I want to be awesome like that too! My question is, how do I start this whole process?
Starting is easy—just write that first advice column! I recommend doing something online, as it will be easier to update and distribute, and it’s also way easier for people to write in. Grab a free WordPress account, build a profile, and start clickity-clackin' on your keyboard. If you don’t have reader questions, you could tackle issues that you’ve experienced, or give advice on common problems that plague your peers. Once you’ve got a column up and running, you need to publicize it. If you want to stay anonymous, you should probably keep your name off it, and rely on others to spread the word. Maybe say to a friend, “Hey, I found this weird advice blog thingy through Facebook, check it out.” I can’t guarantee that writing an advice column will get you into your dream school, but you’ll probably learn a whole lot about yourself (and others!) while sharpening your writing skills. Good luck!
End of summer got you feeling down? Sing the blues to chris@sparknotes.com.
Related Post: Chris Listens: Feeling Fat, Smoking Boyfriends, and a Career Conundrum in Romania
By: Chris_Diken
Topics: Advice
Tags: travel, relationships, college, dating, writing, sex, Music
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