Three Clues Your Science Teacher Is In Completely Over His Head

Ever had a teacher who seemed exactly as confused about the material as you were?

It was a science teacher, wasn't it? (Please just nod politely even if it wasn't a science teacher.)

Granted, there are some teachers outside the sciences who majored in Golf Course Management or whatever, but it's a lot easier to fake expertise in, say, English. It's a case of "Here's Huck Finn; now leave me alone and go read Huck Finn," vs. "Uh, Special Relatacity is Orbert Einstern's theory that, er... Some trains... move faster than other trains...?"

It happens surprisingly often, leading us to wonder how these guys wound up teaching science in the first place...

Think your teacher might fall into a category that's, uh, not the green one? Here are three clues that your teacher is lying awake at night, desperately hoping nobody asks him to explain string theory:

1. "Electromagnetic force is when, uh... eerrgh... (flipping hopelessly through teacher's manual)"

This is the guy whose business card says "HEAD COACH, MIDDLETOWN BASKETBALL," and then under that, in tiny letters, "also coaches chemistry." He may explain science with sports metaphors, or just wedge them in there for no apparent reason. The teacher's manual is his constant companion. Without it, he is not entirely certain what electrons are, but you'd better believe he can compare them to blitzing linebackers.

2. He shows as many movies as humanly possible

Sometimes these will be the usual science-y ones ("Covalent Bonds Are Our Friends!"). Sometimes they'll have the moon or something in them (Apollo 13). Sometimes he'll just roll up with a DVD he had lying in his car because he forgot to return it (it will contain Bruce Willis). In this case, you definitely have a problem. During these movies, the teacher will probably be "busy" (wandering the halls, hands in pockets, whistling off-key) or "grading papers" (doing a crossword puzzle by forcing incorrect answers where they do not fit).

3. The smart kids are forced to correct him

They clearly don't want to be the ones to tell him he's wrong, but these kids have giant brains, brains with answers in them, and they can't just sit there while this guy mangles Newton's Third Law. When they leap up and exclaim "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG," it's because they're compelled, by Smartness. And they're often right, leaving the bewildered teacher unsure if he should yell at them or give them extra credit.

Do you have a hopeless science teacher?

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