The Villains in Your Backpack

Ever feel like the whole world, inanimate objects included, is conspiring to ruin your life? Sparkler ShortyMcShort92 knows the feeling, and has captured it in this clever post! Enjoy! —SparkNotes Editors

Hello, fellow Sparklers! This is a handy guide to the shady characters that hide in your backpack. Yes, that’s right, your backpack. Many of your school-related instruments can be dangerous, and I'm here to tell you which ones are the worst!

1. The Liquid Paper
This is one backpack villain whose bad side you do not want to be acquainted with. It is the school desk equivalent of a bad-tempered octopus. The key to this fiend is to always be patient—be slow to release its white ink, only use minimal amounts at a time, and ensure the lid is firmly replaced before you put it away. Unless, of course, you really—and I mean really—like the color white, or you desperately need crusty flakes of dried whiteout for some kind of abstract artwork.

Sometimes this super-villain has a sidekick: correction tape. Though less evil, this bad boy can still cause you a lot of issues at crucial stages in a class. Once, my tape suddenly stopped working, and even though it was brand new, it seemed empty. Luckily (or so I thought) my friend claimed to be an expert in the field of fixing correction tape. Five minutes later, the stringy intestines of my demolished correction tape were strewn in a woeful mess across his desk. And sadly, the mistake remains on my page; "dissapprove" was never changed to "disapprove."

2. The Compass
This is the arch-villain of all villains, the most evil of those who are evil. This lethal weapon, no matter where I put it, always manages to poke itself slightly out of my pencil case. My hands are full of holes and scars (a bit like Bella Swan’s body on a bad day). This is mainly due to the fact that I am a slow learner and kept forgetting to take the compass out of my pencil case and put it in a hard, plastic one. But now I have the opportunity to warn you all: DO NOT RISK IT! Either put it in a hard case, or do not have a compass at all!

3. The Pen.
I don't think the pen is fundamentally evil, just led astray by its fellow evildoing school supply items. Its mischievous pranks include leaking, especially when you are chewing on it; writing something that you would prefer to be very, very neat; and mysteriously ceasing to work in the middle of a very important exam, when it is clear that there is plenty of ink left.

However, sometimes its mischievous ways can be harnessed for your own use. I once had a teacher who was absolutely insane. It was her birthday, and she put balloons all along the ceiling of my English classroom. So my friend and I took all the inks out of our pens, aimed them at the balloons, and competed with each other to see how many balloons we could pop (I won...quietly). The teacher didn’t seem to notice the 50-odd bangs coming from the popping of 50-odd balloons.

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Related Post: Pen vs. Pencil: It's More Important Than You Think