Picture Day FAQ

Smile. Tilt your head down and to the left. No, the other left. That's too far. Back. Back. That's it. Hold it! One…two…three. [POP] Next?

And thus your school portrait has been recorded for all time. It seems unfair that you only get one school photo per school year. After all, a lot can happen between September and June. You could get a haircut. Lose an eye. Have "Live the Spark Life" tattooed on your neck. In a perfect world, there would be multiple opportunities to have your school photo taken.

But this is not a perfect world (as evidenced by the lack of hot dog trees). There is only one picture day a year.

Since this will be the most important photograph you will take in the next twelve months, you want to make sure it's a good one. To help, we're here to answer some of the most frequently asked picture day questions. (Note: These questions relate more to underclassmen photos than they do to the fancy senior portraits. Kathryn will have a whole post on those tomorrow.)

Q: Should I smile?
A: If the smile doesn't occur naturally, do not try to force it, because the end result will look as though you're listening to a high-pitched squealing noise. But a smile does look better than a frown, so we encourage you to think of something funny before the camera snaps. For inspiration, think of an inside joke, a line from a funny movie, or the word "plop." But whatever you do, don't laugh, because your eyes will disappear and we'll see too much tongue.

Q: What should I wear? If I wear something too dressy, won't the other kids make fun of me?
A: If your parents allow it, dress as you would for any other school day. If you're forced to wear fancy clothes, do so with confidence. Justin Timberlake wears ridiculous outfits, if you stop to think about it. But he pulls it off because he knows he looks good. If you still feel awkward in the three-piece suit or evening gown, go the opposite route and make fun of yourself before the bullies have the chance. We recommend saying, "Get a load of me! Who the hell do I think I am? Justin freaking Timberlake?"

Q: What should I wear so that my photo won't look goofy and dated in twenty years?
A: It doesn't really matter what you wear, because everything is going to look silly in twenty years. Even if you wear a plain white T-shirt, people in the future will still say, "Ha-ha. You look so 2009 in this picture…Madam President."

Q: How much makeup is too much?
A: You're asking the wrong dude. Don't they cover this in female health classes? No? Well, here goes nothing: Use some of that lip junk, but not so much of that eye stuff. Cheek powder is OK, sort of. Does that help? Can we talk about basketball now?

Q: What about my hair?
A: Keep it simple. This isn't prom, or an audition for a musical called Livin' It Up: The Story of an Up-Do. Your hair shouldn't look too managed or perfect. Style it as you would on any other day of the week…except for Faux-hawk Thursdays.

Q: How many prints should my parents purchase?
A: If you have any say in the matter, we recommend ordering a few more wallet-sized prints than you think necessary. Hand these out to friends, of course. But the real fun will come later in life when you can use these photos as make-shift business cards when you're trying to land your first job. (It worked for me!)

Q: I hate picture day. Can't I just skip it, and be listed as "not pictured" in the yearbook?
A: Sure. You could take the easy way out. But what if America had said, "I hate invading France and ending World War II. Can't I just skip it?"

Q: I'm ugly. What should I do?
A: At the risk of sounding like a camp counselor: Just be yourself, and stay away from Cabin 4 because they found some poison oak in the bushes. In all seriousness, we can guarantee you that you're at least 400% more attractive than you think you are (you're young = you're beautiful. Really). Add another 100% if you're wearing something vintage. You have nothing to worry about.

Q: What's the most important tip for taking the perfect school photo?
A: Relax (or at least pretend to relax). This photo will be seen by millions of people, and will dictate how others will remember you. But forget about all of that. Act as though you don't care how the photo turns out, which will result in a photo that looks really good. It's sort of a paradox. But trust us.