Auntie SparkNotes: Go Facebook Yourself

This week's letter-writer was the victim of an unexpected faceslam:

Hi Auntie Sparknotes,
I know my problem will seem stupid compared to some of the others but still its bugging me and...well I wanted to see what you had to say. Okay I was on Facebook and I suddenly decided to send a friend request to this guy in one of my classes. He seemed nice and I didn't see any harm in it but as you probably guessed he either ignored or denied me. I know this is dumb but I'm kinda embarrassed. School starts in a few days and I'm scared of running into him in the hallways. Plus I really don't know why he rejected me...we talked a few times and he seemed nice enough. I know I should probably just ignore him but what if we're in the same class...or have to be partners! What should I do if either of those things happen...I mean it'd be weird to ignore someone you're suppose to be working with.
-SeniorSay

What? An ignored friend request? That’s not a problem, you big crybaby! Now go away, and don’t write to me again until your boyfriend’s broken up with you via text message and your house is on fire AND one of your legs has been eaten by piranhas!

...Okay, okay. I’m only kidding. Auntie SparkNotes actually loves this letter. After weeks of reading about unrequited love, idiot friends, and Shar Pei earwax, it’s pretty nice to see something a little less tragic.

So, about your problem…allow me to put this in perspective with a brief personal anecdote:

When I was a sophomore in high school, there was a girl in my class named… well, let’s call her Chlamydia Jerkface. For reasons I still don’t entirely understand, Chlamydia Jerkface reeeally didn’t like me—and to demonstrate her dislike, she a) put gum in my hair, b) sabotaged my locker, and c) used a permanent marker to write something extremely nasty about me on the wall of the girls’ locker room. (It was so nasty, actually, that I can’t even tell you what it was! But trust me, it was really fracking bad and I haven’t forgotten it.)

Of course, we all eventually graduated and I never saw that girl again… until I logged into my Facebook account and there, right there, was a message that said, “Chlamydia Jerkface has added you as a friend!”

All of which is to say that Facebook is a useful tool, but it’s also a bizarre place where the normal rules of social engagement go right out the window.

So don’t start thinking your classmate hates you, just because he didn’t accept your friend request. Remember: people ignore friend requests for all kinds of reasons. Maybe your guy only accepts requests from people he knows well or hangs out with regularly. Maybe he’s a flake who didn’t remember who you were. Maybe he uses Facebook rarely, and your request has gotten lost in the midst of a billion invitations to play Mafia Wars. Whatever his reason, I can guarantee that it has absolutely nothing to do with you, personally—you’ve got a friendly offline relationship, and that carries a lot more weight than your nonexistent online one.

And if you do see him this year—heck, even if you end up as lab partners—treat the denied request like the not-a-big-deal that it is by not mentioning it. The best way to deal is to act like it never happened at all. Just say hi, be cool, and ask how his summer was. (And if he tells you he spent three months hiking the Himalayas and hasn’t so much as checked his email since June, well, there you go.)

Got some advice for our Facebooker? Got a question for Auntie SparkNotes? Leave it in the comments, or send an email to advice@sparknotes.com.