Famous Outbursts: A Handy Guide for the Congressional Shouter

If you watched President Obama's speech on healthcare last night, you probably noticed that one Republican Representative had a nursery school-style meltdown: when the President got to the part about the healthcare bill not offering coverage to illegal immigrants, agitated Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina shouted, “You LIE!” (According to Newsweek, btw, Wilson's accusation is just silly: "the health-care bill ... explicitly prohibits coverage for illegal immigrants.")

If Joe is going to lose control of himself like this, we think he at least ought to go for something a little more creative than the old liar-liar-pants-on-fire routine. So just in case there comes a time when Congressman Wilson feels like doing some more yelling during a congressional speech, we’ve put together this handy reference list of patented outbursts— all incredible, all extreme, and all popularized by legendary losers-of-their-cool!

The Christian Bale
How to do it: Go on a three-minute screaming tirade. Drop the F-bomb repeatedly. Make sure to use a British accent!
The catchphrase: “Do you want me to trash your @#$%ing lights?!”

The Bill O’Reilly
How to do it: Get super-angry at an inanimate object. Scream and froth at the mouth. At the end, tear off your shirt and throw it at someone.
The catchphrase: “This @#$%ing thing SUCKS!”

The Alec Baldwin
How to do it: Call the underage target of your fury and leave a two-minute-long voicemail in which you insult him. And also his mother.
The catchphrase: “You thoughtless little pig!”

The Russell Crowe
How to do it: Throw a phone.
The catchphrase: No catchphrase—just wordless hurling of a telecommunications device!

The Monty Python
How to do it: Stand on a tower high above the person you wish to shout at. Use an absurd French accent. Shout the most ridiculous insults you can think of.
The catchphrase: “I fart in your general direction!”

Did we miss any classic meltdowns? Have you ever had a hideously rude outburst in an inappropriate setting?