Auntie SparkNotes Will Tweeze Your Feelings

This week's letter-writer is getting mixed signals from his ladyfriend.

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

I'm having a big problem. It's about my friend. Let's call her Jane.

The problem is, I went on a school camp with Jane, and this is where I was fortunate to get to know her more. Before I realized it, I had developed feelings for her. At this same camp, she told me that she considers me to be her "best guy friend," and we've spent a lot of time together outside of school.

The thing is, about a month ago, she forced me to tell her who I had a crush on, and I ended up confessing. Her response was "okaaaaay..." I considered that response to be a rejection, and we still talked more after that moment, but not about me liking her. I thought I was over Jane after that...

...until a week ago. I've realized that I probably still have feelings for her, because I light up when she says my name if she sees me when I'm walking to my next lesson, or when she asks me to help her with stuff after school. The thing is, I've never developed feelings like this for a best friend before, and I don't know how to deal with it! She isn't making things easier either - she'll talk to me when she has problems, or constantly touch me by hugging me or play-hitting me at lunch, or when I'm at my locker. Sometimes if I'm walking the opposite direction to her she will turn around and walk with me. She also laughs at almost all my jokes, and I don't consider myself to be that funny. I'm beginning to think that she has something for me, but I don't want to be let down again.

I really don't know what to do, and I hate myself for constantly making myself vulnerable like this. Could you please help me? Is there any way that I can distance myself from these feelings while still remaining close friends with her?

Thank you.

So, you want to stay close to Jane, but distance yourself from your own feelings? Okay, it’s gonna be tricky, but Auntie SparkNotes knows just how to handle this. Ready?

1. Get a really good pair of tweezers.
2. Holding the tweezers in your dominant hand, start thinking really, really hard about Jane.
3. Once your feelings for Jane have come bubbling to the surface, tilt your head toward your dominant hand at a 45-degree angle. This will cause your feelings to slosh against the side of your head.
4. Using razor-like precision, carefully insert the tweezers into your ear, and use them to grasp hold of the corner of your feelings.
5. Yank really hard.
6. Your feelings should now be outside of your body. If they’re not still between the ends of the tweezers, look around; you may have dropped them on the floor.
7. Once you find your feelings, use the tweezers to put them in a plastic bag. Put the plastic bag in your freezer, with a label on it that says “FEELINGS” (you don’t want your mom accidentally using them to make soup!), then go hang out with Jane.

…Yes, I’m kidding.

The fact is, you dig Jane. You can’t just turn it off, and there’s no reason to hate yourself for that; being vulnerable is the natural and healthy beginning of any romantic relationship. Sure, it has its downsides—I’m not pretending that unrequited love is fun, ‘cause it’s not—but people who close themselves off from that grow up alone, grow old alone, and end up as misanthropic octogenarian bachelors whose favorite activity is shouting at neighborhood children to GET OFF MY LAWN.

Ahem.

So don’t be ashamed. In fact, the only person here who ought to be a tad bit embarrassed is Jane, who seems to have forgotten that hugging and play-hitting someone who already confessed to liking you is pretty flippin’ cruel and unusual. And that’s why you need to talk to her—because she’s your friend, because the confusion of not knowing where you stand is what’s making you miserable, and because even if her feelings for you aren’t more-than-friendly, she still needs to know that she’s sending you mixed signals. So, the next time you’re hanging out, take a deep breath… and then say—

“I still like you as more than a friend, but if the feeling isn’t mutual, you should tell me. Because when you flirt with me like this, it’s really confusing.”

—or something like that.

I’m not gonna lie: Saying this will be HARD. But once you’ve said it, the hard part is over, and you’ll have the info you need to make your next move. If Jane likes you back, you can talk about it. And if she doesn’t, you can decide whether it’s still worth it to you to be friends, or whether you need to give your heart a break by backing off. Just remember, whatever happens, you can handle it—and you’ll be better off.

…Now get off my lawn!

Got some advice for our letter-writer? Got a question for Auntie SparkNotes? Got a lawn you’d like us to get off? Tell us in the comments, or email your questions to advice@sparknotes.com.