Everything We Need to Know We Learned in Kindergarten?

Why do people always say "Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten"? Yes, we're glad we know how to share, but some of the things we learned in kindergarten can definitely be dropped from our repertoire:

Eat paste
OK, the teacher didn’t really teach us this one. It’s an innate desire: See white goo. Use it for collaging. Put in mouth. As delicious as this cycle is, paste eating doesn’t really fly in social circles after the second grade.

Have fun at recess
Recess is the highlight of the day when you’re a kid. However, once you graduate to the working world, employers don’t take kindly to your 10:30 a.m. monkey bar breaks. Save your goldfish crackers and jump rope for your weekends.

Take naps
Unless you live in Europe, home of the siesta, naps are frowned upon in most high schools and places of employment. Believe us, we know from experience. Although napping is cute when you’re in five years old and in Mrs. Kleghorn’s class, it’s less cute when you’re manning the deep fryer at the Burger Shack.

Eat cookies and milk at every opportunity
We’re torn on this one, because cookies are truly a complete meal in our eyes. They cover all four food groups: sugar, chocolate, cookie dough, and junk food. Unfortunately, despite our petition to the Surgeon General, cookies have not yet been declared a vegetable...in fact, it seems that cookies are not all that healthy in large quantities. Just look at sad addicts like Cookie Monster. He’s struggled for years to get back into his skinny jeans.

Wear your Batman costume every day
Again, this is cute for a kid, but if you plan to show up to your Civics exam dressed as the caped crusader, expect some comments. Although fashion is a great way to express individuality, there are some things that only kids can get away with, so steer clear of wearing tutus and a crown, superhero underoos over jeans, or rain boots on the wrong feet. We save our tutus for evenings at home, watching Jeopardy!.

Sparklers, what did you learn in kindergarten? Is it still useful?