FB Not the Place to Woo Your BF/GF

Sparklers, trust us when we say we are super duper excited that some of you are all googly-eyed and weak-kneed in lurv with your BFs and GFs. First loves are palm-sweatingly, heart pitter-patteringly, Celine Dion-inspiringly exciting.

We understand the desire to shout your undying commitment to the world. But there is a place and a time, and Facebook status updates are neither of those.

It has come to our attention that public professions of love and lust are now en vogue on the ol' FB. All we're sayin' is, say it loud and say it proud, but say it knowing that everyone you've ever known is going to be reading it along with the object of your affection. You don't want to embarrass him or her, you don't want to embarrass yourself, you don't want to send your parents running for their copies of Our Bodies Ourselves, and you certainly don't want to regret your gag-worthy love notes burned forever into the Interwebz memory if your relationship goes south. A little discretion goes a long way in keeping the mystery alive (and your parents off your back.)

We offer this multiple choice quiz to illustrate the difference between ILY and TMI:

Situation 1:

You had a really great date with your new BF/GF, and you want to let him/her know it. The appropriate FB status update would be:

a) Sparkler X loved snuggling with Derek in the back of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last night!!!

b) Sparkler X loved Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!

Answer: b.

Situation 2:

Your BF/GF has been away at band camp all summer, and you are missing him/her like crazy. The appropriate FB status update would be:

a) Sparkler X cannot wait for Derek to get home so she can jump his bones

b) Sparkler X is ready for band camp to be over

Answer: b.

Situation 3:

You've finally come up with a great pet name for your BF/GF and want to waste no time in using it. The appropriate FB status update would be:

a) Sparkler X Love you, Pookie Pie!!!!!

b) Sparkler X is looking for a recipe for Pookie Pie

Answer: b.

Situation 4:

Your hormones are haywire and you are lusting after your BF/GF. The appropriate status update would be:

a) Sparkler X OMG Derek is hooooooooot—can't wait to smooch you, baby!!!

b) Nothing. Take a cold shower if you must, but hormones have no place in status updates.

Answer: b.

The moral of this story is: If you are so cosmically attuned, your BF/GF will know you are talking about him or her. Be creative and leave something to the imagination, and you won't gross out your friends or freak out your parents. Plus it will increase the fun by keeping things nudge-nudge, wink-wink secret with your significant other. If ever in doubt, save us all a gag and message it.

How do you feel about public love notes on Facebook?