So I’m on vacation again. Last time I headed south, but now I’m up north in a state where both the mountains and license plates are green. Yesterday I hiked around a lake and today I’m answering your questions—it’s the life! (And being that I’m all up in a new locale, it’s the perfect time to switch up the ol’ self-portrait.) No matter where I am, I’m still listening. So keep the great questions coming!
So I've been crushing on this guy for a rather long time now when maybe 4 weeks ago I started talking to him. Anyway, a shockingly good thing has happened... he has invited me to his 18th birthday! But now I've gotten to thinking that maybe this isn't all cake and rainbows because the big question comes up as to what I should get him as a present. He's a really smart guy, and very into music, but I'm thinking that if I get him something to do with music it would just be very generic and I want it to be uber special! And another small issue that has arisen is that he is a twin and is having a combined party with his sister. I'm thinking it would be the right thing to do to get her a present also, but I don't know anything about her (except that she does dancing) and I have never met her. Is there any way you could help me out, oh wise and omnipotent Chris?
So I’m wise and omnipotent? Please, do go on. Congrats on making some progress with your crush. Where the b-day present is concerned, I think something music-related is a solid choice. Your first job is to figure out what kind of music he likes, because someone who’s very into music probably has pretty strong and specific personal tastes. Once you get some details—ideally you’ll have a list of bands and/or recording artists and not just genres—you can begin your search. Hit eBay and see what kind of collectible items are up for grabs. You might be able to secure rare pins, limited-edition posters, and obscure t-shirts for cheap. And speaking of posters, Hatch Show Print is a fantastic source for wall candy if he has an appreciation for the rich history of American music. If your crush likes to read while listening to tunes, perhaps the story of his favorite album has been covered in the 33 1/3 book series. If you’re feeling creative, make him a mix tape/mix CD/mix USB drive featuring music YOU like, or music you think he needs to know about. This might be the most personal gift, although it will take some work on your part. Where his twin sis is concerned, I would impress the whole family by hauling over an authentic Dance Dance Revolution machine. Or better yet, snag her a cool but still somewhat generic t-shirt from Threadless.com.
I have an extremely random question (which I could probably find the answer to on Wikipedia, but I thought asking you would be more interesting). How does Swiss cheese have holes in it? It doesn't make sense!
Well, if you’re not gonna look it up on Wikipedia, neither am I. I’m pretty sure the holes in Swiss come from farting. Farting bacteria, that is. Here’s the dealio: when Swiss cheese is in the latter stages of becoming Swiss cheese, milk-fermenting bacteria release gas and create air bubbles, which remain in the final product. Although now that I think about it, I’m not sure which end of the bacteria the gas comes from, so it could just as easily be a bacteria burp.
So for the past 10 years I have gone to a really small private school... I mean REALLY small, like 4 people in my 8th grade class. For high school I'm going to a bit bigger school, more like 40 people in my class. I'm boy crazed and have the attention span of a bouncy ball. And I am a pre-professional dancer trained in ballet, modern, and pretty much anything else under the sun. I take classes 4 nights during the school week for 2-3 hours each night and on Saturdays for 4 hours, not to mention rehearsals for various performances. And this year I made the top level in our company, so I will be dancing with our professionals and very few freshmen. I do pretty well in school and can usually keep myself on track, but I’m worried about this year. There will be so many new distractions in my classes (as if I pay attention already), and if my grades slip my parents will pull me out of dance. How do I stay on task and not crack under the pressure?
For someone with the attention span of a bouncy ball, you seem pretty focused. While it’s good to plan ahead for potential challenges, it seems like you are suffering from a wicked case of the pre-worries. Nothing has happened yet, so it’s a little hard to predict how to handle any problems. And worrying too much about not being able to keep up may distract you from the task at hand—that is, actually keeping up. It sounds like you are on top of things, so the school year may start and you may be totally fine and you can enjoy a sense of relief. If you feel like you just have to come up with a plan, I would think about how to relieve some of the pressure if your schedule gets too hectic—is there one class you could neglect slightly if it means keeping your sanity? Or is there one dance class or rehearsal that you could blow off if life gets crazy? You don't have to make these decisions now, but maybe be prepared to make them once the school year begins. Also, hey, you’re a dancer: What kind of birthday present would you want?
I am 15 years old, starting my sophomore year in high school. I moved to this district in 7th grade. At the beginning I didn't really fit in so well, but in 8th grade I started to make friends and start having fun. My problem is that a new high school has opened, and all of the friends I made in middle school are going to it, except for me. My parents are not sending me to the new high school because they don't think it will be very good during its first few years. I'm very afraid of being a loner, like I was during all of 7th grade. Please give me some hints so I can quickly make friends in my classes, and not have to sit alone in lunch.
The single easiest way to make friends in high school is to talk to people and not worry about what they think of you. This might be hard if you are a naturally quiet person, but in my experience it’s the best way to make some actual progress in social situations. For one thing, talking will bring about the kind of meaningful interactions on which relationships are built: laughing, discussing your interests, making fun of the way your teacher pronounces “banal,” etc. For another thing, you can use your conversations to quickly figure out whom you want to be friends with. Because you don’t want to be friends with just anyone! Putting yourself out there in this way is not without risk, as you will be opening yourself up to criticism and rejection. But the important thing is to make an effort and not wait for people to find you. Another technique is to join an extracurricular activity—a club or sport, for example. You’ll get to hang with people outside normal school hours, and if you’re all doing the same extracurricular, you already have one thing in common. Good luck!
Recently, my life's kind of been turned upside down. I found out my mum has brain cancer, which has obviously taken a toll on my family. She's undergoing treatment, but the idea that her mind could deteriorate is very frightening. Us kids have been expected to pick up on the housework and just generally help out a lot more, which is fine—but my dad seems to think that I hardly ever do any work, and that I think the world revolves around me. The idea that he thinks I'm so selfish really hurts me. I've just had a hard time dealing with the news and because I'm the youngest child I'm probably not dealing with it as well as my siblings; sometimes it still hits me suddenly, and I still can't quite believe it. It feels like I've been walking around in a dream for the past month. On top of this, I feel my friends are slowly drifting away. I have a large group of friends, but only two very close friends that I can always rely on. Although this is basically still the case, they both have acquired significant others and although I like these two guys a lot, and have no problem with my friends dating them, they spend nearly all their time with them. We used to hang out all the time, and they say that they hope I feel comfortable around them and their boyfriends and that I should feel no different. But I do; I feel like a permanent fifth wheel. I don't want to tell them how left out I feel—I have mentioned it and they've been very decent about it and told me that they feel nothing's changed. (They were also very supportive with the news about my mum.) So I don't want to keep whining about it. But I just feel like I'm coming second to their boyfriends. Also, I can't go out much at the moment because we have to take care of my mum so I feel like I hardly ever see my other friends either. Basically I'm feeling pretty lonely, and scared, and I just have no idea what the **** to do with all of this overload of bad news. Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated, sorry for the ramble!
No apologies necessary. I love a good ramble. I’m very sorry to hear about your mum’s cancer—hopefully with treatment she will be able to get through it. I think the best thing you can do right now is start communicating your feelings to the people who matter to you. Definitely talk to your dad about how you feel hurt by his judgments, and also about how you are coping (or not coping, as the case may be) with your mum’s illness. You have to let him know how you feel, because maybe he doesn’t realize how severely you have been affected by your mum’s condition. The same goes for your friends—you should indeed tell them how left out you feel, especially since you are also dealing with a family health crisis. It may be a harsh truth that you will come second to their boyfriends, but I think it’s still productive to tell them you are concerned about it, especially considering everything else on your mind. If you don’t feel like you can talk to your dad or your friends, maybe turn to an older sibling for advice, or if you want an unbiased opinion, get in touch with a local counselor or therapist. It’s OK to feel lonely and scared, but you need to know that there are ways to handle these emotions without bottling them up. I don’t want you to suffer in silence. Take care of yourself and best wishes to your mum!
Tonight I was on an online forum and decided to see if one of my best guy friends (lets call him Timmy) had been on recently... so I went to check his posts. I then found one where he told about a situation he was in a week and a half back where this one friend of his came out of the closet to him... and apparently the whole thing ended with them making out. Thing is, in the post, Timmy said he didn't think he was gay, and that he's just worried about the other guy avoiding him and not being friends anymore. Timmy also said he had told 2 other people (though I was obviously not one). This whole thing shocked me. I had no idea. I couldn't handle all this information on my own, so I confided in our other friend (let's call him Jimmy). The three of us have been close since middle school. We're both shocked and are very, very confused as to what to do. We don't know what this means, if he really is gay, or something else. Should we confront him about it? Should we just forget it? We're both just worried that he may shut us out if we try to talk to him about it. I'm a girl, and it really wouldn't bother me if he was gay, and I don't think Jimmy would be offended, either (we're both very open-minded). We've known each other a long time and it's just very... surprising, awkward, and confusing. Help?
Does Timmy know you read his posts in the forum? If so, do you ever discuss his posts in real life? If he does, and you often do, I think it would be fine to bring up this recent shocking revelation. But if he has no idea that you follow him online, I would not confront him unless you want to spend a few hours in Awkwardtown, USA. Technically, what happened between Timmy and his friend is none of your beeswax, and while I don’t think you should forget about it, you shouldn’t do anything about it unless Timmy brings it up with you. Maybe he’s just waiting for the right moment to discuss it, because he too is confused, or because he’s not sure how you’ll react. So play it cool! And if it does come up, I am glad to hear you will be supportive of Timmy—he may need your friendship more than ever.
Please direct all cheese-related queries to chris@sparknotes.com.
Topics: Advice
Tags: chris listens, family, sexuality, friends, school, birthday gifts, cheese, cancer
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