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Blogging New Moon: Part 9

Blogging New Moon: Part 9

By Dan_Bergstein

Chapter Nine: Third Wheel
Better Title: Everyone Pukes

Bella's life is moving ahead just fine. She goes to school. She goes to work. She hangs out with Jacob. And nothing seems to be disturbing this boring pattern. But she is still sad, and describes her feelings with stupid analogies, saying she's like a moon that was circling the planet Edward. With Edward gone, Moon Bella is orbiting an empty, hollow area of space. The tear rolling down my check is not from sadness, but from overexertion, because after reading this, I rolled my eyes harder than I should have without stretching first.

As much as I like Jacob, I hope Edward returns soon so that Bella will quite acting like she's dying. (And maybe he would bring Emmett back with him, and maybe Alice too…and Batman.)

Bella's motorcycle skills have improved with practice, but the more proficient she becomes, the less Dream Edward warns her that she's acting stupid. She still goes looking for the enchanted meadow with Jacob, but she hasn't found it yet, and she desperately wants to find a way to ignite the Dream Edward voice. So she tries to think up activities that are scary and dangerous.

If she really seeks danger, instead of fooling around with motorcycles and love-meadows, she should become an Alaskan king crab fisherman, an ice road trucker, a logger, a myth buster, or any other profession that has its own reality show (except supermodel or anything to do with cakes). Or she could start her own dangerous job, such as lion barber, because then she could hear Dream Edward while starring in her own Discovery Channel Show, "Lion Barber: Razors and Roars."

Time is passing, and Bella doesn't even realize it's Valentine's Day until Jacob gives her a small box of conversation hearts. She feels bad about not getting anything for him, but he says she can repay him by being his valentine for the day. They joke around a bit (as friends), and Bella decides that today she wants to go hiking. He's fine with that (big surprise) and suggests they ride motorcycles on Friday. But she says she's busy Friday.

Bella doesn’t see the love connection with Jacob, because she's a crazy fool. She wants some space. You're never going to believe this, but she lies…again. To keep Jacob at a safe, friendly distance, she pretends she has plans this Friday to see a movie with her other friends. Uh-oh! This might get ugly. Good thing I'm wearing my "drama pants," because things between Bella and Jacob are about to get a little…dramatic.

He isn't too happy that she's dissing him. And after seeing his sad face, she invites him along on the group date. So her plan to keep him at bay backfired because she can't stand a gloomy Jacob…and because she secretly loves him. Hmm. I guess I didn't need to wear my "drama pants" after all. Excuse me while I change back into my "boring mindless chit-chat slacks."

She tells him to bring his friend Quil along too, and it will be a fun group night out. At school, she needs to rally her friends to go out with her Friday. She makes the mistake of inviting Mike first. He jumps to the conclusion that this is a date, and just as he's about to go buy Bella an engagement ring, she once again shoots him down, saying that this is not a date, but just a group of friends hanging out. She invites everyone else, but a few people, such as Lauren and Jessica, can't make it because they hate her.

I'm still confused about why Jessica is so nasty. She was Bella's first friend, and now, just because Bella likes to slowly walk toward bars in Port Angeles, she hates her. I hate Bella too, but at least I have my reasons. (I hate people whose names are also stupid questions. "Is a bell a swan?" Of course it isn't!)

The group is narrowed down to Angela, Ben, Mike, Jacob, Quil, and Bella. When Bella gets home, Jacob is there with his car. He finally finished fixing his Rabbit. Bella offers Jacob a high five, and after slapping her hand, he holds onto it for a bit, in a slightly romantic way. Bella finally breaks free as Mike shows up at her house. Dammit Mike! Things were just about to get a little PG-13 between Bells and Jacob, and you had to ruin it.

Jacob and Mike don't get along. They don't hate each other the way Edward hates Mike or the way I hate Greenland, but they're not going to be BFFs. Bella's phone rings and it turns out that Angela and Ben can't make it because Angela has the stomach flu. Quil couldn't make it either, so it looks like the date will consist of Mike, Jacob, and Bella. It's a bit awkward, but they pile into the Rabbit and head to the deadly Port Angeles to see the action movie "Crosshairs." (A movie that is not about angry rabbits. But change the spelling slightly, and you have the title to the script I'm going to pitch to Pixar. So hands off my pun!)

Mike sits in the back and doesn't say much. He's obviously upset at having to share Bella with Jacob. He asks Jacob to put the radio on, and Jacob says that Bella doesn't like music. We know she hates pop music because some songs remind her of Edward. Jacob must have picked up on this, though she never mentioned to Jake how music makes her feel. He's just an attentive guy who knows when not pry. It's also the reason he doesn't ask her about Edward, or ask why she refuses to play baseball during thunderstorms.

Bella says the movie is nothing but blood and guts, and it's exactly what she wanted. But Mike doesn't seem to like the movie. He stares off into space. Jacob doesn't like the movie either, and keeps making witty comments about how awful the story and special effects are. Bella is sitting between the two, and both guys have their hands palm-up on the arm rest, just waiting for her to grab them. Or maybe they're simply checking to see if it's raining inside the theater. Or were asking for spare change.

Halfway through the movie, Mike gets sick and runs out of the theater. It seems he caught the stomach bug that's been going around. Bella and Jacob follow him out, and Jacob checks on Mike in the men's room. He comes out saying that Mike might be in there for a while. He calls him a marshmallow, which I guess means Mike is weak, or delicious.

Jacob sits on a nearby bench outside the theater and pats the seat next to him, inviting Bella to sit. She does, and the suddenly self-assured Jacob puts his arm around her. She protests, but he holds firm. Crap! Where are my drama pants?

He explains how he feels about her. He likes her…quite a bit. She isn't sure how to respond. She admits that of all the people in Forks, he is the best guy around. And he's happy with this. He knows that she is still in love with Edward, and he understands that she doesn't want a boyfriend right now, but he's not going to stop feeling this way about her.

Jacob notices the scar on Bella's hand from where James, the evil vampire, bit her. When asked where it came from, she says she can't remember. (Again with the lies.)

Mikes comes out of the bathroom looking sick. He asks if they can leave, and they all head out to the car. Jacob grabs a popcorn bucket in case Mike gets sick on the ride home. They roll down the windows of the car as they drive, to give him some fresh, cold air.

Jacob puts his arm around Bella to keep her warm, and she notices how hot (literally) his skin is. She says Jacob is burning up, as if he has a fever. But he says he feels fine. (Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!)

They get Marshmallow Mike home, and before leaving Bella at her house, Jacob says that he's not feeling well. He doesn't feel sick, just strange. (Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!) He drives home, and Bella is worried about him. She goes inside to wait for his call, to make sure he got home safely. While waiting, she wishes that Jacob were her brother, because then she wouldn't have to worry about breaking his heart and could still be a big part of his life. Plus, if she had a brother, she would have someone to fight with on family car trips, instead of just arguing with the ashtray in the backseat.

When he doesn't call, she panics and calls his house. His dad, Billy, answers and says everything is fine and that Jacob is just sick. Billy sounds strange and distant. Clearly something is up (Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!).

Bella goes to bed, but wakes up feeling sick (Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!). She got the stomach virus too, and spends the rest of the night and much of the morning in the bathroom. After 24 hours she feels a bit better (Not a wolf! Not a wolf! Not a wolf!), and calls Jacob to check on him. He sounds odd, and says he feels horrible.

He doesn't have the stomach flu, but won't say exactly what's wrong. He warns Bella to stay away and wait for him to call before she comes over. I'm thinking Jacob has become a werewolf.

Prediction: Jacob isn't sure how to tell Bella that he turned into a werewolf. Finally he does so in the classiest way possible by sending her the following text message: "Im wereyolf. Not joke. Kiss me? CuL8r." He then mocks Eric by calling him a pie.

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Topics: Books
Tags: blogging twilight, cartoons, blogging new moon

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