Twilight for Zombies and Other Monsters

What’s the best way to get rich? Get a job? Come up with a brilliant idea? No way! Those things are far too practical and time-consuming. We recommend ripping off an idea that’s already proved it’s worth millions. The Twilight series, for instance—how hard could it be to write your own variation and come up with a bestselling teen series? Let’s find out. Below are ideas for some new romantic-spooky book series featuring popular horror monsters.

Twilight with Godzilla

Angela is a shy, bookish 17-year-old girl who just started at a new high school. Everyone hits on her nonstop, but she doesn’t give them the time of day because there’s this HOT dude who caught her eye—he’s tall, scaly, and green. Actually, he’s Godzilla. She eyes him during bio class before he angrily stands up, crashing through the ceiling, and leaving the building.

When he comes back to high school a few weeks later, she’s all like, “WTH?” and he’s all, “Okay, you are nice and all, but in case you didn’t notice, I’m Godzilla. This won’t work.” She’s like, “But I luvvvvvvv you!” and he’s like, “FINE how about this? I’ll say I don’t want you but will proceed to stalk you every day of your life.” She wonders how someone two hundred feet tall can successfully stalk anyone, but agrees to his conditions.

Thankfully Godzilla is true to his word, because when a gang of street ruffians corners her, he comes out of nowhere and steps on them. Given the size of his foot, however, he accidentally crushes her as well, preventing any sequels.

Twilight with Zombies

Jamie is a bookish, shy 17-year-old girl who moves to a new town. During her first day at Sporks High, tons of boys hit on her but the only dude she is actually interested in is Ralph, who is totally James Dean-hot except that his skin is greenish-brown and portions of it keep peeling off. And the rest of his sort-of siblings also have flesh peeling from their bones.

Things start to heat up when Ralph saves Jamie from a car careening toward her in the school parking lot, but when she confronts him about her blossoming feelings, he grunts that their love can never be. Sadly, he is a zombie and she’s exactly the type of human he would love to eat alive. But Jamie’s whining wins the day, and he agrees to see where their relationship goes. Before long she is riding piggyback while he does his slow zombie-stumbling thing through a forest.

Some other evil zombies try to eat her but he does a “West Side Story” dance showdown against them and saves her. Then his arm falls off.

Twilight with the Invisible Man

Claudette is a bookish, shy 17-year-old girl and it’s her first day at a new high school. Even though she’s totally awkward, everyone keeps hitting on her. The dude who really catches her eye, however, is Fred—a hot number wrapped from head to toe in bandages. Even though she can’t see any part of him, he has this James Dean-vibe and she totally flips for him. He doesn’t seem to care though. Sad.

Later that day, Claudette is almost hit by a speeding moped but is saved by a floating pair of skin-tight jeans and a button-down shirt which run into her and knock her out of harm’s way.

Some weeks pass before Claudette confronts Fred with her suspicions, forcing him to reveal his terrible secret: he’s invisible! Claudette says, “That’s fine, but if you were visible, would you be really pale and hot?” Fred answers, “You can’t even imagine how pale and hot I would be.” So he takes off his bandages but keeps his clothes on (because he is a very moral invisible man) and they lie in the grass and talk about how hot the other one is, although Claudette is mostly going off on how cute he looked with bandages wrapped around his face.

Some other stuff happens and eventually they get married and she gives birth to an invisible child, which is awkward for everyone involved.

What other horror icons could be used to create your own version of the Twilight series? Some things to remember: The main character is a gorgeous girl who is desired by everyone even though she is nervous and awkward. She has a star-crossed romance with a dark, handsome ________ [insert monster here] who is attracted to her even though their love means great danger for her. Throw in some bad monster dudes, some Rated G romance and a climatic ending and you have yourself a bestselling series. Start!