Chris Listens: Scars, Commas, Sports, and a Guy Named Moe

The first week of August is just about over, and it has been brought to my attention that many of you will be returning to school soon. I am truly sorry about this. If it were up to me, summer would continue forever, and we’d all occupy a state of perpetual relaxation, as illustrated by this picture I took of myself, which must be getting old by now. Maybe I should take a new snap that conveys a serious commitment to learning. Or maybe not. For the time being, I’ll just answer these questions—several of which are school-related—while brainstorming self-portrait options. If you have any suggestions, let me know!

Every winter, I find myself sad and depressed for no reason at all. I make up excuses to be sad, and I isolate myself from my friends. It's gotten worse over the years. I actually started cutting myself last winter. Luckily, I snapped out of it in a month or two. I have no reason to be depressed: I have great friends, a great family, and I get fantastic grades. Weird thing is, as soon as spring rolls around, all of my problems disappear, and I'm the happy, optimistic person I'm supposed to be. I don't know what's wrong with me. Something about November, December, and January make me a completely different person, and it scares me. Now that summer's ending, I'm really nervous about whether or not I'll fall back into this snow-induced depression. Am I not alone? Is there any way to stop this?

You might be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (conveniently abbreviated as S.A.D.), also called the Winter Blues. This mood disorder is not uncommon, but it is a symptom of depression, which probably explains why it was severe enough to drive you to cutting. You are right to be worried about it again, as S.A.D. typically returns year after year. But there are treatments: Some people find relief when exposed to lights that reproduce sunlight, others take medication, and still others attend therapy sessions. While I can’t tell you which of these treatments might work for you, I encourage you to talk to someone about it, especially because there was/is self-harm involved. To learn more about self-injury and how to prevent it, visit S.A.F.E. Alternatives at http://www.selfinjury.com/. I'm happy you're taking the situation seriously and I am confident that you can take control. I would reach out to a parent or trusted family member ASAP and also see what local treatment resources are available. If you start planning now, you can take the appropriate steps to maintain your happy, optimistic attitude all year long. Thanks for writing in and good luck!

There's this guy I like, let’s call him Moe. I'm going into 9th grade and we have about 30 new kids coming into our grade. Moe is one of the new kids and at the orientation we met, but I doubt he remembers me. At his old school he was one of the “cool” kids, and my group of friends isn't really popular or at the other end of the spectrum and we go to a private school... I don't know if we have any classes together, so what should I do?
Well, your first step is to be patient and wait until school starts, because on the first day you might discover that Moe is in some of your classes. And wouldn't that just make things easier? If he’s not, you need to keep your eyes peeled for this boy and take advantage of whatever opportunities you do have. If you pass him in the hall at a certain place every day, start off with a little eye contact, then take it to the next level by saying “Hi.” Or maybe you’ll have the same lunch period and you can try to snag a table near his, or, if you are feeling bold, plop down at his table. Here's an icebreaker: “Hey, I think we met at orientation. How do you like the new school?” Your primary goal is to become friends with Moe first, then see if anything deeper develops. And if he's new to your school, becoming friends with him might be a lot easier than you think.

Lately I have been seeing less and less of my friend, the Oxford comma. Is he grammatically incorrect now? Has he always been? To use the Oxford comma, or to not use the Oxford comma, that is my question.
To quote Vampire Weekend, “Who gives a f@%# about an Oxford comma?” And to quote SparkNotes, “We give a f@%#!” For the unfamiliar, the Oxford comma, a.k.a. the serial comma, is the curly little fellow you sometimes see before the closing “and” in a list. For example, “I love Shakespeare, Melville, and Hawthorne.” Your friend is not incorrect now, nor was he ever. It’s simply a matter of preference—one sometimes dictated by the AP Style Guide (which specifies no Oxford comma in most cases) and the Chicago Manual of Style (which likes the Oxford comma). SparkNotes tends to follow Chicago style, so we use the Oxford comma. Therefore, you are totally allowed to use it, too. Your teachers may have a preference, so you check with them before writing your first batch of papers.

Since I was ten, I’ve had the addiction to smooth out my skin by picking off the bumps. Five years later, I’m covered with little scars. Yes, I already went to a dermatologist, a therapist, took medication, gotten rewards for not doing it, such and such. But I can’t stop. It’s like an addiction, I swear! And those scars used to not bother me, but now they do soooo much. After I walk by any girl with flawless skin, I get so angry at myself for doing this to myself. Funnily enough, at the dermatologist, the doc helped my family realize that not only did I start this habit at 10, but my mom started working out of the house when I was 10. And that makes me angry too. I don’t want this, erm, addiction to have anything to do with my mom. Especially since she’s been yelling and punishing me for the last five years about this whole thing. I feel so pressured and angry almost all the time now. Stop this horrible habit, you have to ace all your honors classes, a scholarship is the only way to get into a good college, major in math and not fashion, blah blah blah! I love fashion. Clothes, makeup, you name it. Yet not only do parents see it as a bad career choice, my scars discourage me too. How can I, with scars practically all over me, enter the world of fashion? Fashion, with its flawless faces and couture clothes, I don’t fit in. So, as you may guess, I’m not only discouraged by this problem, but it takes a huge toll on my self-esteem. *It* is controlling my life.
Here's some good news: Your scars won’t necessarily prevent you from entering the world of fashion. Sure, you might not be a supermodel, but you might be something even better—a designer. (They’re the ones who get to have all the fun.) And while aesthetics are obviously important in the fashion industry, so are intelligence, creativity, and persistence. It might be a little hard to convince your parents of fashion’s value, but have you ever spelled out for them why it’s important to you? And do you know why it’s important to you, for that matter? It’s certainly a tough business to break into, but, then again, math is no picnic either.

Regarding your picking addiction, it sounds like you are trying very hard to make it not control your life, and I commend you for your efforts. Keep believing that you can get better, and perhaps return to the therapist to re-open the discussion and try some new approaches. The good thing is you want to stop, and I think you can if you keep working at it. Take care of yourself!

I would like some advice for the upcoming school year. I'm going to be a freshman at a brand new high school with a bunch of people I don’t know. But my situation is a little different. My dad is a teacher at the high school. And he's a Spanish teacher. Which means I'll have him for every year in high school. At my middle school, most teachers’ kids get a bad rap as being snotty and seen as always getting what they want—I don’t want people to think that about me! So what am I supposed to do?
First, you need to talk to your dad about it and make sure he is aware of your concerns. Hopefully he will do his best to treat you like all his other students, and you’ll be able to act natural in his class. Just be yourself! The problem is, there’s no way to control how others will perceive you, and they might judge you as a snotty brat even if you work your butt off for every grade in your dad’s class. The only way to avoid this problem for certain is to take Spanish with another teacher, or not take Spanish. But if you’re already thinking that you’ll be in your dad's class every year, I imagine you’re pretty psyched about Spanish. At least you’ll have someone to practice your accent with.

I LOVE volleyball. I have played since fourth grade, and I am going to be in eighth in the fall. I play for school and am rather good. I just cannot stand the shorts. Even though I am rather athletic, I don't look good in skintight short-shorts. I do not understand why we wear them. It's not like they make you play better or anything. My old volleyball coach didn't enforce that we wear the shorts, but the coach I'll have this year will. What should I do?
Unless you feel super uncomfortable in these micro-shorts, or you think they’ll distract you from the game, you should just wear them and try not to worry about it. Being on a sports team is all about wearing silly outfits, and wearing the team uniform shows solidarity. And you’re not alone—everyone else on the team has to deal with them too. Similarly, I don’t like the fact that I have to wear this ridiculous hat, but I’ll do whatever it takes to write good blog posts.

I've been debating about whether to join my school's cross-country team. My hockey coaches are really encouraging it, and my parents and friends are, too. But I absolutely hate running! I feel like if I do it, I will get some good exercise in, but I'll also be miserable for about two and a half months. My parents seem like they'll be pretty disappointed if I don't do it, but on the other hand, I feel like if I do, I'll be doing it for everyone else and not for me. So should I stick it out? Or should I not do it if it's not something I enjoy?
I hate running too, although cross country is probably the least horrible kind. (At least you get to jump over logs and stuff.) Don’t do it if you think you’ll be miserable, or are just looking to get some exercise. There are plenty of other ways to stay in shape, and keeping fit is a heck of a lot easier if you enjoy it. Your parents might be disappointed, but they might be more disappointed if they find out that you're doing something solely to please someone else.

What do you give someone going on a trip? I was hoping maybe you could give me a few hints as to what I should be looking for and what to avoid.
To be honest, it kind of depends on where they’re going and what they're doing. That being said, I can still give you some extremely generic suggestions.

Good things to give: An excellent novel. A mix CD. An iPod. New headphones for an old iPod. A package of dried mango (if your friend likes mango). Temporary tattoos. A notebook and a cool pen. A postcard, so s/he can send it to you when they get there. A Sigg water bottle. A harmonica. A tiny alarm clock. A nifty camera. Flip-flops.

Things not to give: Old cheese. Dynamite or any other explosive devices. More than three ounces of any liquid. A boa constrictor. A dozen eggs. Dried mango (if your friend hates mango). A real tattoo. A dried up Bic and a gum wrapper. Shoes that are a half size too small. Your collection of bricks taken from abandoned buildings. Any siblings, unless your parents give you permission.

Send your quests and shuns to chris@sparknotes.com.