We love books a lot. But we don't love bleak, really long books that lurk in our bags making us feel guilty while we're TRYING to lie out and eat ice cream.
Here are five books that really put the "horrible" in "horrible summer reading lists."
1. Ethan Frome by The Devil Edith Wharton
You know any book by someone called "Edith" ... "Wharton" is gonna be trouble. She could not have led a very happy life with a name like that, and guess what, it showed in her book.
Spoiler alert (if there's anything to actually spoil here):
Any English teacher who assigns this over the summer is a serious dumbhead. How rude, making us spend our last week of summer reading about a guy who becomes crippled during a wintertime sledding accident. That's exactly what every student wants to read about as they attempt to savor their last days of sunshine.
2. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Summer is for wasting time being selfish, vain, generally worthless, and loving every minute of it, which would be really, really easy to do if the lesson of Dorian didn't happen to be "don't waste time being selfish, vain and generally worthless."
Nice. Pick.
3. The Stranger by by Albert Camus
This book should just be called The Strangest.
It's never a good sign when the author is classified as an "absurdist." And I'm willing to bet that by "absurdist," they don't mean "rollerskate around town in a lemur costume playing the mandolin."
And just wait till your teacher practices his French accent on the name "Albert Camus." It will be the highlight of his year. And the low point of yours, especially if you sit in the front row.
4. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Let me guess: it wants out of the cage. Why read?
5. Henderson the Rain King by Saul Bellow
This book is so thick you probably couldn't bear to read it over the summer, so you left it till the first week of school. And what a treat for you!
I mean, any book where a fat, old, rich guy gets to quit his job and life and play around in Africa till he's had his fill is pretty ironic, considering the students reading about him are miserable and nauseated.
Waking up early the first week of school is even worse when you have to spend your study halls reading about some dude who gets everything he wants and still wants more. You know what I want, Henderson?! A seat that doesn't stick to my thighs in this hot, horrible classroom, and a book that's much, much shorter.
Did we leave anything out? Which books ruined YOUR summer?
Topics: Books
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