The Center for Disease Control has released new data tracking teenage sexual activity...and hoo boy, it ain't pretty. The under-18 set has been getting infected, impregnated, and unsafely pants-less at an alarming increase over the past few years, with particularly large jumps in the rates of terrifying STDs like syphilis and gonorrhea. But the statistics that really jumped out at us? More than half of the respondents hadn't so much as talked about sex with their parents, and fully one-third of teenagers reported receiving no instruction on methods of birth control.
...Yeah, no two ways about it: that's bad.
Good thing we're here to help!
We at SparkNotes aren't in the business of telling you whether or not to engage in the, erm, type of activities that might require the practical application of birth control, but we're pretty sure you need to at least know what it is. And so, once again, we've put together this quick quiz to help you determine whether you've been adequately sex educated. Ready? Go!
1. To prevent pregnancy and STDs, doctors recommend...
a) contraceptive methods such as condoms.
b) shouting at your nether-bits to frighten them into submission.
c) encasing your entire body in Jell-O.
2. Sperm have...
c) a stylish wardrobe consisting of a leopard-print overcoat and several hats.
3. Pregnancy occurs when...
a) a sperm fertilizes an egg.
b) a worm fertilizes a leg.
c) a pachyderm fertilizes a pug.
4. Spermicide can be used...
a) in concert with another method of birth control to prevent pregnancy and STDs.
b) to safeguard one's home and family against marauding herds of murderous, rampaging sperm.
c) on my toast.
5. The onset of menstruation means that a girl can...
a) get pregnant.
b) get Knicks tickets.
6. For additional facts about sex, pregnancy, and STDs, a curious person should read...
a) sex education books such as this one.
b) the sports section of his local newspaper.
c) the wall of his local bathroom stall.
Ready to see how you did? Us too! If you got...
Mostly A's: Congratulations! Your knowledge is most likely adequate to get you from here to graduation, chlamydia-free.
Mostly B's: Are you daft? Shouting at your hoo-ha? Sex education via basketball recaps?! Sperm with teeth?!!! Go back and retake the quiz, chief—we know you can do better.
Mostly C's: You are a sex ed idiot. No, really. Please get somebody to show you The Miracle of Life immediately.